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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think the government should subsidise fruits and vegetables to make healthy food more affordable. Others argue that the government should tax unhealthy food instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Consumption and purchase of healthy
food
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 is
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
 nowadays in order to maintain one's health.
Therefore
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, it is a core belief among some individuals that certain healthy
foods
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,
such
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 as fruits and vegetables, should be affordable.
Whereas
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 others believe taxing junk or processed
food
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 is the government's responsibility.
This
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 essay with examine both views, and I will state my opinion. On the one hand, there are numerous individuals who strictly believe that healthy
food
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 should be affordable.
For example
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, governments could establish laws restricting manufacturers from overpricing organic
foods
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.
Moreover
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, many people could afford healthier options,
such
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 as fruits and vegetables. Another example may be providing farmers with monthly allowances from the government.
Furthermore
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, farmers will spend the monthly allowance on the animals' nutritional needs, medical supplies and even seeds.
Thus
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, the farmers will decrease the prices of their products to manufacturers, leading to cheaper and healthier
foods
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 in the markets.
On the other hand
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, there is a group of people who believe that establishing taxes on unhealthy
food
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 is a controlled option.
For instance
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, with the rising economy, many are struggling to afford basic groceries.
Consequently
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, setting taxes on junk or even processed
foods
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 may lead most individuals to healthier options. Another reason for
this
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 perspective is believing that unhealthy
food
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 has risen the rates of global health issues.
For example
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, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases are at high rates globally
due to
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 the consumption and accessibility of unhealthy nutrients.
Therefore
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, by increasing the price of unhealthy
foods
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, fewer people would purchase them,
while
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 decreasing the spread of diseases. In conclusion, as can be clearly seen, there are numerous ways to lead others to purchase healthy
food
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 choices.
However
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, believe that it is both the government's and the individual's responsibility to set solutions to encourage these healthy choices.

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task
Task response: The topic asks for both sides and your view. Your essay has both sides, but your own opinion is not shown in a clear way. State your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Make ideas follow a clear order. Use simple link words like first, then, but, so, finally. Some sentences are long; break them into shorter ones to keep flow.
content
You show both sides and give examples.
structure
You use clear sign words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subsidise
  • fruits
  • vegetables
  • affordable
  • healthy food
  • unhealthy food
  • government
  • tax
  • encourage
  • buy
  • fresh food
  • processed food
  • population
  • healthcare costs
  • revenue
  • fitness programs
  • low-income families
  • fast food
  • accessible
  • prices
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