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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more and more
people
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 are dependent on technological items. Many
people
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 tend to think that reading
books
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 is more beneficial than watching TV or playing computer games. I totally agree with
this
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 idea, and I will elaborate on my reasons for thinking so in the following essay.  There is no doubt that spending
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
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watching TV and playing computer games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very entertaining.
However
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, relying heavily on these devices can give rise to many drawbacks for individuals.
This
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 is because a significant number of
people
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's attention spans have reduced significantly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years,
due to
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 the overuse of computers and televisions.
For instance
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,
people
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 who allocate more
time
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 for playing computer games rather than reading
books
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, which are very
famous situations
Correct word choice
popular
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 among younger
,
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people, they
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may
realize
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realise
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 spending their
time
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 in vain, and
this
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 could lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sense of
stressed
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stress
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 and
overwhelmed
Wrong verb form
overwhelm
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at the end
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 of the day . Those
people
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 who consider that reading
books
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 plays a central role in shaping individuals' lives argue that it not only supports cognitive functions and abilities but
also
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 decreases
overall
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 strain.
For instance
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, İf
people
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 spend their
time
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on
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apply
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reading
books
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, their
brains'
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brain's
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 capacity starts working differently, and
this
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 provides development in cognitive abilities
such
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 as attention and memory, to name but a few.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 pay attention to stories in
books
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, they can have a chance to escape from the hustle and bustle of
the
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apply
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hectic city
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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, which gives them an opportunity to take a break and reduce their anxiety and stress.
As a result
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, reading
book
Correct article usage
a book
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 paves the way for improving mental well-being and brain functions. In conclusion,
although
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 spending
time
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 on computers and
tevelisions
Correct your spelling
televisions
 can be a source of joy, from my standpoint, it is a waste of
time
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, and
people
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 should spend their
time
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 on reading, in order to boost their
overall
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 mental well-being
,
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apply
show examples
 and brain functions.

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task response
State your view clearly in one line at the start and end with a clear opinion.
task response
Give one or two clear reasons and give simple, real examples to back them up.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also, so.
structure
Make one idea per paragraph and finish with a short conclusion.
content
The stance is easy to see.
structure
It has a simple shape: intro, 2 body parts, and a conclusion.
lexical
Simple words help the reader to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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