IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Successful people try new things and takes new risks rather than only doing what they know how do well. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Risk
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 takers who try new
things
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 have a higher chance of
success
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 compared to those who invest in
things
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 they already know. I partially agree with
this
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 opinion because there is no rulebook for
success
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.
Thus
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, investing in emerging
things
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 does not guarantee financial benefits.
To begin
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 with, let us discuss the merits of investing in different ventures.
According to
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 me, what increases the probability of
success
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 is
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
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 of a diversified portfolio. It balances the
overall
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risk
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 and gives exponential returns on the net investment.
For example
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, if we consider the popular show named "Shark Tank", the Sharks invest in new
line
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lines
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 of
businesses
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business
show examples
. They want their presence in different markets, so that if an industry experiences a
boon
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boom
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, they can reap the benefits.
This
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 one
success
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 can balance
for
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out
show examples
 all the other
things
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 that are not performing well.
However
Linking Words
, a major setback in
this
Linking Words
 process is the amount of liquid cash flow required.
Additionally
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, the capability of
the
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apply
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investor to hold on to
such
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 investments. Generally,
this
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 becomes the major reason that
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risk taking
Use the right word
risk-taking
show examples
 becomes a costly affair and can pull you downwards.
Hence
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, the demerits of making
such
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 investments outweigh the merits.
Furthermore
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, if someone is investing in their field, it gives them
better
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a better
show examples
 understanding of problems and solutions.
For instance
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, those who invest in the stock market
focuses
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focus
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 on learning and improving, rather than going for a completely new skillset. It is nothing new that people who invest in stocks are the most successful ones.
To conclude
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, I would suggest only taking
high value
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high-value
show examples
risk
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 when you have enough
resource
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resources
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 to sustain.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, try to build something with what you know
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best. I believe, sometimes it is better to be the king of a single trade rather than
jack
Correct article usage
a jack
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 of all trades.

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task response
Start with a clear opinion in the first line and keep to it. Build your answer around this view.
coherence
Make the plan clear. Use one idea per paragraph and begin with a strong topic sentence. Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit.
structure
The essay shows a real look at risk and gain.
example
An example from Shark Tank is used to back a point.
structure
There is a clear start and end to the essay.
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