IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this developement has more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Generally, around the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 many folks are recently using their cellphones when buying goods and gadgets
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 is
morely
Rephrase
apply
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increasing
Replace the word
increasingly
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 due
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 modern world.I totally agree that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of
this
Linking Words
paying
Replace the word
payment
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 method
outnumbered
Wrong verb form
outnumber
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 the disadvantages,
whereas
Linking Words
 the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 will be discussed in the forthcoming essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a good benefit to consider when buying things using
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
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 phone is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 mobiles are very easy to carry compared to
carry
Wrong verb form
carrying
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 a big amount of money in notes or coins.
This
Linking Words
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
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 is
also
Linking Words
 good because there is no need to count change or
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 back change to
customer
Correct article usage
the customer
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while
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
they is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 buying something.
For
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instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
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 in Poland, most of their supermarkets and malls have
self service
Use the right word
self-service
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 counters that customers can tap with their phones when they are buying clothes and stuff.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can prove
Wrong verb form
proves
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 that
this
Linking Words
 technology is very fast and suitable for many people around the world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many societies are complaining when they are carrying billions of cash in their bags whilst they are shopping
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can delay time during counting the money. A very good example to count is that, in my home country Zimbabwe, people used to wait in a long queue because the cashier must count the money very strictly and
also
Linking Words
 check
wether
Use the right word
whether
show examples
is it
Correct word order
it is
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 a fake note or original.
This
Linking Words
 usually shows that paying
groceries
Change preposition
for groceries
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 using cash is becoming very low
due to
Linking Words
 many reasons
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mentioned above. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 cashless method of buying is now getting to its peak point because almost 95% of the nation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 using
cellphones
Use the right word
cell phone
show examples
 apps to buy their things.

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grammar
Fix grammar and word form. Check subject and verb, and count change when you say 'there is no need to count change.' Use 'this method is easy' and 'it is fast' instead of long wrong forms.
organization
Make ideas clearer in each part. Start with one main point, then add a second. Do not mix many ideas in one line.
coherence
Link thoughts with simple words. Use 'also', 'but', 'so', 'then', and 'for example' to show link between facts.
content
Clear view that advantages outnumber disadvantages.
structure
Has basic structure: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Uses examples from different places to support points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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