IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries government spend a lot of money on arts. However, some think government should spend more on health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In various places around the world, local authorities support
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 by expending lots of
money
Use synonyms
 towards them, but others argue that governments should spend
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 and education. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain each side and include my opinion. On the one hand, governments contribute
money
Use synonyms
 to
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 to promote tourism and create jobs. Museums that contain art pieces from local artists help define the local culture and heritage for tourists to understand the country better;
this
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 act helps raise the revenues.
Secondly
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, spending lots of
money
Use synonyms
 on art and artists helps create and increase the number of jobs in different career paths
such
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 as graphic design, marketing and fashion design, which helps decline unemployment and drives the economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
 and education helps enhance the country in many ways. One major method is by spending
money
Use synonyms
 on more advanced materials in schools and workplaces;
this
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 helps produce a skilled and efficient population and
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 productivity, which helps increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profits.
Also
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, spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on healthcare facilities and introducing healthcare programmes that help the poor and educate people more about why their
health
Use synonyms
 matters can help decrease poverty and diseases.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, investing in these two sectors helps develop and improve the quality of living in multiple ways.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 investing in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 can help with job creation and promoting tourism, I believe that investing more in education and
health
Use synonyms
 is crucial to developing and changing societies since these two sectors are the most important and responsible in every country's economy.

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development
Add more clear proof and a few simple examples to back each big idea.
grammar
Keep sentences short and easy. Check phrases like 'decline unemployment' and use more common word.
structure
Finish with a strong last line that repeats your view.
task response
The essay has a clear view from the start.
cohesion
It uses ‘On the one hand’ and ‘On the other hand’ to show two sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocation of funds
  • budget allocation
  • cultural heritage
  • public expenditure
  • quality of life
  • economic growth
  • social inequality
  • public-private partnership
  • fiscal responsibility
  • long-term benefits
  • innovative solutions
  • underprivileged communities
  • life expectancy
  • technological advancements
  • preservation of culture
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