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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Technology has advanced dramatically in the
last
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 few decades dramatically especially in
phones
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.
Moreover
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, they underwent evolutions from megaphones to
smartphones
Use synonyms
 that became addictive among all age groups in
this
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 day and age. It is
also
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 believed that many kids nowadays spend most of their time on their
phones
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.
This
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 essay will examine
this
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 case and discuss whether it is a positive or a negative trend. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
children
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 spend hours on their
phones
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 every day. One reason is outdated entertainment playgrounds.
For example
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,
children
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 nowadays prefer updated games in playgrounds to
children
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 from back
then
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,
such
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 as updated arcades
instead
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 of seeking games on their
smartphones
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. Another reason may be the acquired sedentary lifestyles from their parents.
For instance
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, kids are influenced by the adults in their daily lives.
Moreover
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, if their parents or caregivers are less physically active,
children
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 may acquire the same habit and seek entertainment with less activity,
such
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 as
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, spending hours on
smartphones
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 can be a damaging trend when it comes to
children
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's brain development. There are several proven negative effects of prolonged screen exposure on
children
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's brain development.
For instance
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, the fast and short clips viewed nowadays on different platforms cause a rapid and fast increase in dopamine levels for short periods.
This
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 is believed to cause short attention spans later on. Another reason is the negative physiological effect of constant exposure to screens on visual health, leading to poor sight eventually. In conclusion, as can be clearly seen, there are many reasons why some
children
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 spend most of their time on their
phones
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.
However
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,
smartphones
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 have negative effects on
children
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's
overall
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 health.

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structure
Make a short plan before you write: start with a short intro, then two clear ideas in the body, finish with a clear end.
language
Use easy links to join ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'so'.
content
Give more facts or clear examples for each point so the reader can see it well.
grammar
Check small grammar and word form to keep meaning clear.
content
You give both sides and a final view.
structure
There is a simple end that states what you think.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
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