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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks? #30.7

In recent years, security
cameras
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 have been considered a mandatory feature in public places
due to
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 rising crime rates.
While
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 these devices offer various benefits
such
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 as enhanced
safety
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 and reliable evidence, they
also
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 raise concerns about privacy. In my opinion, despite the potential risks, the advantages of increased security
cameras
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 far outweigh the disadvantages. One major benefit of security
cameras
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 is their potential to deter individuals from committing crimes and harming others. By installing CCTV in public places, some are more likely to think twice before committing petty crimes or harassment because they know they are being watched. To exemplify, in department stores with equipped CCTV, the number of shoplifting cases decreased by almost 40% compared to
in
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apply
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traditional markets where surveillance is rare.
Additionally
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,
safety
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cameras
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 can be used as video evidence to catch and prosecute offenders.
Therefore
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, the use of video
cameras
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 plays a crucial role in improving public
safety
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 and reducing crime rates. On the downside, the increased use of
safety
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cameras
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 leads to several problems, particularly concerning personal privacy. Many people feel uncomfortable being continuously monitored and having their actions recorded.
For instance
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, people may wish to relax in a cafe, but the presence of CCTV can make them assume their freedom is being restricted.
Moreover
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, as part of digital technology,
safety
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cameras
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 are vulnerable to hacking, and stolen footage can be misused for
milicious
Correct your spelling
malicious
 purposes. In
such
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 cases, these devices fail to provide the intended protection. In conclusion, installing
safety
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cameras
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 in public spaces poses certain risks related to privacy and cyberattacks.
However
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, their advantages in increasing
safety
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, preventing crimes, and serving as official evidence are far more significant.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect ideas in each paragraph with linking words or phrases. This will help readers follow your argument better.
task achievement
It would help to expand on your points with more specific examples or details, especially in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
The introduction sets a clear direction for the essay and states a clear opinion.
task achievement
The use of examples to support your points is strong and relevant, particularly regarding crime deterrence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
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