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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this developement has more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In
a
Correct article usage
the
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 modern era,
usage
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the usage
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 of mobile
phone
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phones
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 is proliferating rapidly,
due to
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advancement
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advances
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 in technology. Nowadays, it has become a trend among common
people
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.
This
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 development has some pros and cons. In my opinion,
advantages
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the advantages
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 of
this
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 trend
overlooks
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outweigh
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 the disadvantages. First and foremost benefit is
it
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that it
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 makes communication
more easy
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easier
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.
However
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, in
a
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apply
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past years,
people
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send
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sent
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 letters to
communicaticate
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communicate
 with anyone, but now, it gives
an
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apply
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easy access to make
a
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apply
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contact with anyone , which ultimately removes the problem of
long
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long-distance
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relationship
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relationships
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.
For example
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 , from the
last
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 few years, whenever they go to purchase anything or go to attend a family function,
then
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 with the usage of
this
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 they do not feel they are far away from them.
Secondly
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, it works as a memory tool, because it consists
a
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of a
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digital camera . Through
this
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, they can capture their moments and store them for a longer time. Henceforth,
while
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memorisation of
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memorising
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such
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photographs
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photographs,
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 they can keep their memory fresh. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
these
advantages
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advantages,
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 it
also
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 has a drawback of strain in their life. As, majority of
people
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 spend more time on the usage of these cell phones rather than their family members. It has been seen
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this
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that this
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 trend takes place
of
Change preposition
in
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 every relation since
last
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years
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year
show examples
.
For example
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 , whenever they come back from work or
school
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school,
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 they prefer to have
phone
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a phone
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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to
Verb problem
apply
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talk with other family members. Ultimately , isolation from family leads to emotional disturbance and creates stress in their life.
To conclude
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this
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, mobile phones
has
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have
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 become popular among
different ages of
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people of different ages
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people
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due to
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 a plethora of
its
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their
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 benefits, but demerit of
this
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 gives
determental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effects on
people
Use synonyms
's health.

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language
Use small, clear sentences. Fix grammar like subject-verb and plural forms. Break long lines into two sentences.
task response
Say your view in the first part and keep it. In the intro, say what you will discuss. In the end, say what you think again.
content
Give more solid examples for each point. Explain why each point matters to the idea.
structure
You try to discuss both sides.
content
You point to specific ideas like using a phone camera.
argument
You show a personal view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • speed
  • security
  • privacy
  • fraud
  • hacking
  • reliability
  • cashless
  • wallet
  • app
  • phone
  • merchant
  • store
  • shop
  • payment
  • balance
  • network
  • battery
  • offline
  • data
  • cost
  • fee
  • trust
  • risk
  • budget
  • inclusion
  • access
  • education
  • example
  • experience
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