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Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet has changed the world and how people live. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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The
internet
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 has changed our
world
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 into amazing parts.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 is a double-edged weapon. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
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, the advantages of using the
internet
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 are for communication between countries. On the one hand,
people
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 can use the
internet
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 for video calls and phone calls.
Also
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, they can send pictures to their parents and beloved
people
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.
Second,
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the benefits of using the
internet
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 are in education. Students can have online courses, online tutoring and
also
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, they have online mock tests for preparation for tests.
Third,
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most of the
people
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 agree that
internet
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 shopping is an amazing way for shopping around the
world
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.
For example
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,
people
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 can shop from South countries
while
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 they are living in the North. They can shop for clothes, accessories, food and shoes around the
world
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.
Secondly
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,
on the other hand
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, many
people
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 disagree with using the
internet
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.
People
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 whispered that using the
internet
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 is just wasting time during their days. Some
people
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, when they use the
internet
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, skip their important tasks and errands, like watching movies or gaming.
Second,
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the disadvantage of using the
internet
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 is that
people
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 can face hackers in their accounts.
For example
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, bank accounts can be hacked
and
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, and
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 all their money can be stolen, and
people
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 can fake accounts for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 or
entering
Verb problem
taking
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 exam tests.
Third,
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on the
Use synonyms
internet
Add a comma
internet,
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 we can face bad
people
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we can enter bad websites.
As a result
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, the dark web is a place where
people
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 can meet bad
people
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 with bad habits and thoughts. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is amazing and has changed the
world
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.
However
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, in my point of view, the
internet
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 has excellent advantages and is an important thing in our
world
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 and our lives.

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task response
Task response: You answer both sides: good points and bad points. This is good. But your ideas need more full explanation.
task response
Task response: Add one clear example with more detail. Some examples are too general.
task response
Task response: Your last opinion is clear, but you can make your position stronger from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are not used well, like 'Firstly, on the one hand' and 'Secondly, on the other hand'. Use simpler and correct links.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are long and not easy to follow. Make shorter sentences and keep one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Group similar ideas in one paragraph and use topic sentences more clearly.
task response
You cover both advantages and disadvantages, so you answer the full question.
task response
You give some examples about study, shopping, and hacking.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly grouped into two body paragraphs: good side and bad side.
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