In some countries, university students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the disadvantsges outweigh the advantages of living in another city?

Nowadays, students from several different countries prefer to move out from their family for better educational purposes. I'm personaly an immigrant living overseas away from home. And I strongly spport the idea of immigrating for better education. In my opinion the benefits are higher
then
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disadvantages.
For instance
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, some un developed regions cant provide the suitable level of education, especially in small villages. It is an undeniable problem for
people
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who want to achieve their goals in life. Some of the hardest things about it is to getting out of their comfort zone. For better improvements
this
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step is obligatory.
This
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matter increases the life skills of young
people
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.
It
Verb problem
It's
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the first step
in to
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into
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the
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apply
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adult hood
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adulthood
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.
However
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, these issues may be apire to be hard to overcome. Since we are all used to
live
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living
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with our family and surrounded by
the
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apply
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loved ones. One of the huge disadvantage is depression. Unfortunately
this
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is caused by loneliness.
On the other hand
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, international students are blessed with the opportunity of meeting new
people
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.
This
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helps improve multicultural life style.
For example
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,
people
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with more friends from different countries are highly intelligent. It is always much better to know others from different regions. A result of it High network. Obviously, it raises the acceptance among the
people
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. Constantly meeting new
people
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increases the tolerance. It gives birth to a better society. In conlusion, moving overseas or to a metropolitan city for better education opportunities is seriously beneficial for students. So it must be considered more in the meanest time. At the same time government must fund these actions for better future of the country.

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task response
Your view is clear but the essay does not stick well to the task. Put your main idea in the first paragraph and keep a clear view in each part.
coherence
The ideas do not flow well. Use more linking words and make each paragraph have one big idea. Use clear start and end for each paragraph.
general
Give more exact examples and explain how they prove your point. Check spelling and grammar and fix big mistakes.
content
Good effort to show why moving can give new friends and a wider view.
content
You show some care for how learning and place can affect study.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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