IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree with this idea? (REVANN)

Nowadays, it has been widely argued that the only approach to enhance
road-
Use the right word
road safety
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
 is to apply harsh fines
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reasons that support my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a variety of approaches that can contribute to the
safety
Use synonyms
 of the
citizins
Correct your spelling
citizens
while
Linking Words
 driving. One of them is applying panalities by the government for those who do not comply with the rules and regulations,
such
Linking Words
 as exceeding the speed limit. A study in the US showed that there is a yearly rise of 20% of
car
Use synonyms
 accidents,
due to
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 illegal speeding, even though the
appliance
Check wording
application
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 of high and strict fees for
this
Linking Words
 kind of
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
.
As a result
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, we should look into some alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, investing in developing awareness campaigns all over the city about the role and
responsibality
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
people
Use synonyms
 when it comes to protecting ourselves from
car
Use synonyms
 accidents.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to drive safely.
For example
Linking Words
, applying some incentives for individuals who don`t
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 any driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 during the year,
such
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 as incentives related to
car
Use synonyms
 insurance. To illustrate
on
Change preposition
apply
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that, by being
compliance
Replace the word
compliant
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 all the traffic rules over the year, you will get a discount rate of 25% on
your
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 next renewal of your
car
Use synonyms
 insurance.
This
Linking Words
 will significantly influence
people
Use synonyms
 to make better decisions
while
Linking Words
 driving,
hence
Linking Words
 improving
safety
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 on increasing
Use synonyms
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of the roads. I firmly believe that there are many ways, as discussed above, that can effectively improve
safety
Use synonyms
 without putting more strict punishments.

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language
Fix many spelling and grammar mistakes. Use short, simple phrases.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph and start each with a clear topic sentence.
content
Give strong reasons and clear links to the task. Do not rely on one side only; explain why other ways can help road safety.
coherence
Use linking words well to show how ideas connect.
content
Give more real and clear examples or facts, and be sure to note where they come from if you use data.
stance
You take a clear stance that harsher fines are not the only way.
content
You give other ways like awareness and rewards to help safety.
structure
There is a plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • fines
  • license suspension
  • jail
  • penalty
  • deter
  • prevent
  • stop
  • reduce
  • danger
  • traffic
  • road safety
  • driving offences
  • police
  • enforcement
  • courts
  • rules
  • law
  • fair
  • clear
  • education
  • training
  • driver education
  • safety courses
  • road design
  • signs
  • speed limit
  • cameras
  • technology
  • habit
  • behavior
  • risk
  • accident
  • plan
  • balance
  • approach
  • combine
  • review
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