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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Travelling abroad is reganded as a valuable and good activity for young people, but some people think it takes too much time and money. Discuss both these viceos and give your own opinion.

It is
been
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apply
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argued that travelling
conusmes
Correct your spelling
consumes
 a lot of time and
expensive
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is expensive
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,
while
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 I believe that exposure to different cultures, food and terrains will impart
significant
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a significant
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 amount of knowledge.
However
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,
this
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 essay will discuss
on
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apply
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both
the
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apply
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sides. First of all, getting to know different people and experiencing other lifestyles can be interesting to some people. To illustrate, if an individual visits a developed nation
such
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 as Singapore from an underdeveloped country, it can be an eye-opener for them. These travels can
instill
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instil
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 a considerable amount of knowledge on the living styles of
peoples
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people
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, food
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 and creativity.
As a result
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,
this
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 can help not only in
further
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 growth but
also
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seeing
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in seeing
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 life from a different angle.
Moreover
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, the culture and lifestyle can create
great
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a great
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 impact, like
,
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apply
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 visiting Japan, to realise how calm and peaceful life can be, if
travelled
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travelling
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 from a chaotic city life. Even though
,
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apply
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this
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 comes at a certain cost. For individuals
,
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apply
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 who
does
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do
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 not seek much
of
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apply
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knowledge or experience from travelling can sound
this
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 travels as a means of draining resources
such
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 as time and money.
For instance
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, a lot of content creators
posts
Correct subject-verb agreement
post
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variety
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a variety
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 of
contents
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content
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 showcasing different cultures of various countries.
Therefore
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, few individuals love to be in the comfort of their homes and tend to enjoy
by
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apply
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spending a
neglegible amout
Correct your spelling
negligible amount
 of money and time when compared to
travel
Use the right word
travelling
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 to a destination.
To sum up
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, I strongly support the idea of travelling to experience the culture and diversity of different places rather than sitting
in
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at
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 home and watching
internional
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international
experience
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experiences
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 from other
peoples
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people
show examples
.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Say what you will talk about in the intro. End with a clear view.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph. Start each with a clear topic sentence and use connect words to join ideas.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell. Words like reganded, habbits, neglegible are wrong. Use simple, common words.
content
Give a clearer balance of pros and cons. Add a better link between idea and your view.
structure
End with a short and clear conclusion that restates your view and the two sides.
stance
A clear view is given in the end.
content
Some real place examples are used.
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