IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for one's health. VinMec’s top management must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that working long
hours
Use synonyms
 has become common in many organisations, often leading to high levels of
stress
Use synonyms
 and serious health problems.
Although
Linking Words
 some may argue that employees should manage
stress
Use synonyms
 by themselves, I strongly agree that VinMec’s top management must take responsibility for reducing
this
Linking Words
 type of
stress
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 several important reasons, which will be examined in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the most obvious reasons is that excessive working
hours
Use synonyms
 can severely damage employees’ physical and mental health. To illustrate, long-term
stress
Use synonyms
 is closely linked to illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, depression, and burnout.
For instance
Linking Words
, medical staff who regularly work overtime may suffer from chronic fatigue, which reduces their ability to concentrate and increases the risk of mistakes.
As a result
Linking Words
, both employees and patients can be negatively affected.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is in the organisation’s best interest to ensure reasonable working
hours
Use synonyms
 and sufficient rest periods. Another point that should not be overlooked is that reducing workplace
stress
Use synonyms
 can improve productivity and job satisfaction. To clarify, employees who feel supported by management are more likely to be motivated and loyal.
For example
Linking Words
, introducing flexible working schedules, hiring additional staff, or providing wellness programmes can help create a healthier work environment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when workers are less stressed, they tend to perform their duties more efficiently and deliver higher-quality service, which enhances the organisation’s reputation. To recapitulate, it is evident that long working
hours
Use synonyms
 pose serious risks to employees’ health and
overall
Linking Words
 performance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary that VinMec’s top management actively implement policies aimed at reducing excessive workloads and promoting work-life balance, in order to protect staff well-being and ensure sustainable organisational success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Keep a clear opinion at the start and restate it at the end.
coherence
Link ideas well with simple words such as and, also, but, so to help flow.
content
Add more examples to back each point, with numbers or facts where possible.
style
Use short and simple sentences to aid reading.
lexical
Choose plain words and avoid hard phrases to fit the task.
task response
The essay shows a clear view and keeps it through the whole piece.
coherence
The cause and effect link between long hours and stress is clear and easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • remote working
  • mental health
  • stress management
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • employee engagement
  • workload management
  • productivity
  • work culture
  • overtime
  • stress-related health issues
  • job satisfaction
  • employee retention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: