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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

All the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older peoples. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that the
population
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 structure of some countries now includes a relatively large proportion of young adults compared to older people.
This
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 demographic trend has both positive and negative effects. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives, and I will argue that the advantages of
this
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 situation outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are many benefits associated with having a large young adult
population
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. One of the most obvious positive aspects is economic growth. To illustrate, young adults form the main workforce of a country and contribute directly through employment, productivity, and tax payments.
For instance
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, countries with a youthful
population
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 often experience rapid industrial growth and innovation, as young people tend to be more adaptable to new technologies and changing work environments.
In addition
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, a larger working
population
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 can reduce the financial burden on governments, as fewer resources are required for pensions and elderly healthcare.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks related to
this
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 demographic imbalance that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is the pressure on education systems and job markets. To clarify, if a country fails to provide sufficient employment opportunities, high youth unemployment may occur, leading to social problems
such
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 as crime or dissatisfaction.
For example
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, in developing nations, a large number of young adults without access to quality education or stable jobs can become a source of economic strain rather than growth. To recapitulate, it is evident that the main merit of having a youthful
population
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 lies in economic vitality and innovation,
while
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 the principal downside is the potential pressure on jobs and public services. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, provided that governments invest in education, skills training, and job creation. With effective planning, a young
population
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 can become a powerful asset for national development.

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task response
Be clear on your view in each paragraph. Give at least one strong example that shows your point. The essay has good ideas but add more detail on why this helps and what it does for the country.
coherence
Link ideas with clear words. Use linking words like first, also, but, in addition, as a result to show order and flow. Keep ideas in a logical order.
language
Use simple words and short sentences. Check long sentences that may be hard to read. Try to keep to the top 100 words where possible.
content
A clear view is given in the intro and restated in the end.
structure
The essay uses clear look at both sides with sign posts.
content
Ideas are well written with some detail and examples.
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