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Band 4.5

Children today find it's difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools. Why do you think causes this problem? What do we need to do to solve this problem?

Nowadays, children find it difficult to focus on their
lessons
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 and pay attention to their course materials in
schools
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school
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.
This
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issue
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 is caused by several factors that in
this
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 essay we will list these factors. Many people believe there are many effective measures
can
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that can
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 be taken to address it.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
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 many
factores
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factors
 lead to
lacking
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a lack
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 of concentration in
young
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the young
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 generation. One of the most important criteria for
this
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issue
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 is that new
devices
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 like smartphones and tablets have developed in recent years.
While
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 these
devices
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 provide a lot of benefits for having
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 life or easing routine life,
it
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they
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makes
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create
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serious
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a serious
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 problem for
students
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.
Students
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 spend a lot of
time
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 on their
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
 for web surfing, social media, and playing games. These
devices
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 distract them from
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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lessons
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 and waste their valuable
time
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.
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additionally
Fix capitalization
Additionally
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,
students
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 prefer
easy-catching
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easy-to-catch
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 content
and
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, and
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 these boring
lessons
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 make them feel frustrated. Another criterion is
friendship
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the friendship
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 zone. Most
students
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 have some friends who encourage them to have fun and
avoid
Verb problem
discourage
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 them
to
Change preposition
from studying
show examples
study
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 and
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 attention to their teachers. There are many methods that should be taken to address
this
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issue
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.
First,
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it is
parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
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 duty to limit their children's screen
time
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.
Moreover
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, the government should provide up-to-date
contents
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content
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 for
students
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 to encourage them
follow
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to follow
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 their
study
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lessons
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.
In addition
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,
students
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 should have plans for their
study
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 and
of
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, of
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course
Add a comma
course,
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 allocate some free
times
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time
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 for hanging out with their friends and classmates.
In addition
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, for
students
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, it is sensible to choose hardworking and
endeavour
Replace the word
endeavouring
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 friends to encourage them
focus
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to focus
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 on their
lessons
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 and help them become successful in their
study
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 path.
Overall
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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this
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 essay, I explained in depth
about
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apply
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why
students
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 can not focus on their
study
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 programs. In my opinion, electronic
devices
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 like computers or smartphones play a key role
for
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in
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this
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issue
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. Parents can help
students
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 overcome
this
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issue
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 by limiting their screen
time
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. The government can help publish up-to-date content in
students
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'
lessons
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 to
absorb
Verb problem
capture
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 their attention.

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organization
Plan a clear first part (introduction), a body with causes, a body with solutions, and a short end. Make four parts.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and ideas: first, next, also, but, because, for example.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Some words are wrong, like factors, criteria. Use simple, correct sentences.
examples
Give more real examples from school life to back each idea.
lexical resource
Use simple words only. Avoid hard or long words. Keep tone calm and clear.
task response
Finish with a short conclusion that restates your view and the main steps to solve the problem.
content
The essay tries to answer the task and shows a view.
structure
The topic stays on focus with causes and solutions.
vocabulary
Some ideas are practical for schools.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Attention span
  • Screen time
  • Cognitive function
  • Focus
  • Diet and nutrition
  • Processed foods
  • Cognitive function
  • Concentration levels
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Distractions
  • Classroom environment
  • Teaching methods
  • Interactive content
  • Mental health issues
  • Anxiety
  • ADHD
  • Diagnosed
  • Concentration
  • Multimedia content
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