IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, young people admire sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that many young
people
Use synonyms
 admire
sports
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 and often view them as role models.
However
Linking Words
, these figures do not always set a good example through their
behaviour
Use synonyms
 both on and off the field. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 trend represents a negative development
due to
Linking Words
 its influence on young
people
Use synonyms
’s values and
behaviour
Use synonyms
. One of the most obvious reasons is that some
sports
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 display irresponsible or unethical
behaviour
Use synonyms
, which can negatively influence young fans. To illustrate, incidents involving violence, cheating, substance abuse, or lack of respect for rules are frequently reported in the media.
For instance
Linking Words
, when famous athletes are seen behaving aggressively or breaking laws without serious consequences, young
people
Use synonyms
 may believe that
such
Linking Words
 actions are acceptable or even admirable.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to poor decision-making and a distorted understanding of success, where fame and money are valued more than discipline and integrity. Another point that should not be overlooked is that excessive admiration for
sports
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 can create unrealistic expectations and priorities among young
people
Use synonyms
. To clarify, many teenagers may focus more on becoming famous athletes rather than developing academic skills or realistic career goals.
For example
Linking Words
, some young
people
Use synonyms
 may neglect their education
while
Linking Words
 chasing professional
sports
Use synonyms
 careers, despite the fact that only a small number succeed at the highest level.
This
Linking Words
 imbalance can result in disappointment, low self-esteem, and limited future opportunities if their ambitions are not achieved. To recapitulate, it is evident that
although
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
stars
Use synonyms
 can inspire young
people
Use synonyms
 through talent and achievement, their negative
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and the unrealistic ideals they promote can cause harm.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend is largely negative. Greater emphasis should be placed on promoting positive role models and teaching young
people
Use synonyms
 to admire qualities
such
Linking Words
 as hard work, honesty, and responsibility rather than fame alone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Be sure your view is clear in the first line. State your position and keep it in mind while you write the whole essay.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use small cues like and, but, also, for example, then. Make one main idea in each paragraph.
content
The essay has a clear view that the trend is not good.
structure
The writer uses reasons and examples to back up the view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • admire
  • role model
  • excellence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • cheating
  • misconduct
  • critical evaluation
  • guidance
  • positive influence
  • negative influence
  • inspiration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: