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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss two views and give your opinion.

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There has always been a controversy regarding the best way for people to spend their
leisure
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time
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. Some opine that
leisure
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time
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 is for activities that improve the mind,
while
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 others say it is for the
brain
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 to rest.
This
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 essay will analyse both viewpoints, followed by my personal opinion. On one side of the argument,
leisure
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time
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 should be used for activities that stimulate the cerebrum , like reading and doing varieties of puzzles.
This
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 is because it encourages growth, especially in
this
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 generation, where temporary dopamine sources are generalized
such
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 as doomscrolling on TikTok or Instagram and binge-watching series with six seasons and movies within 24 hours. Spending hours on puzzles and reading may lead to a person feeling more productive.
Consequently
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, people will become more intelligent if they do
this
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 consistently over a period of
time
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.
On the other hand
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, it is more vital to relax the
brain
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. A reason for
this
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 is that nowadays people are so engrossed in their work that they have limited
moment
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moments
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 to unwind and rest their minds.
This
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 can lead to burnout and
brain
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 fog in the long term. Not calming the body can significantly impact health and lifestyle.
Therefore
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, relaxing your
brain
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 is equally important as working in an office. In my opinion, how a person utilises their
time
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 depends entirely on their lifestyle and schedule for the day. Sudoku and crossword (as a hobby with an allocated
time
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 in the schedule) give more moments to calm the nervous system in
leisure
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time
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;
whereas
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, those at work the whole day would prefer to rest their brains rather than doing activities.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in the last part. Say one side is better, not only that it depends.
task response
Add one simple real example for each main view. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your last paragraph more clearly. The idea about puzzles helping the nervous system is not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check reference words and logic in the final paragraph so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion, so the task is covered well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some good topic sentences that show the main idea of each paragraph.
task response
You include modern examples like social media and overwork, which help support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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