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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

In many countries, it is suggested that young
people
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 should be encouraged or even required to take part in unpaid
community
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service
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,
such
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 as helping the elderly, working in charities, or cleaning public areas.
While
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this
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 idea may have some drawbacks, I believe that the advantages of
such
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work
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 clearly outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, requiring young
people
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 to do unpaid
work
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 can have certain negative aspects.
Firstly
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, it may place an additional burden on students who are already under pressure from academic studies. Many young
people
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 have heavy school schedules, homework, and exams, and forcing them to participate in
community
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service
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 could reduce the time available for rest and personal development.
Secondly
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, some may argue that compulsory unpaid
work
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 is unfair because young
people
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 are asked to give their time and energy without any financial reward.
This
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 could lead to feelings of resentment and reduce their motivation to help others voluntarily in the future.
However
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, despite these concerns, the benefits of involving young
people
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 in
community
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service
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 are far more significant. One major advantage is that it helps them develop a sense of social responsibility. By helping
people
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 in need, young individuals learn important values
such
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 as empathy, kindness, and cooperation. These qualities are essential for building a caring and supportive society.
In addition
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, unpaid
community
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work
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 provides young
people
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 with valuable life experience and practical skills.
For example
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, volunteering in hospitals, schools, or charity
organizations
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organisations
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 can improve communication skills, teamwork, and problem-solving abilities, which are highly useful in their future careers.
Furthermore
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,
community
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service
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 can strengthen the relationship between young
people
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 and society. When teenagers actively contribute to their local communities, they feel more connected and engaged with the
people
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 around them.
This
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 can reduce antisocial
behavior
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behaviour
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 and encourage a positive attitude toward civic duties. In the long term,
such
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 experiences can help create responsible and active citizens who are willing to contribute to national development. In conclusion,
although
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 requiring young
people
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 to do unpaid
community
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work
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 may have some minor disadvantages, its benefits for individuals and society are much greater. It not only helps young
people
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 gain important skills and values but
also
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 promotes social harmony and
community
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 development.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that the advantages of
this
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 practice outweigh the disadvantages.

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overall
The essay keeps to the topic and shows both sides. To push to a higher band, add more direct steps and stronger examples.
coherence
Improve flow by linking ideas with simple words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'however'. Use clear transitions between parts.
task
Add facts or numbers when you can, even small ones, to back up points. Keep ideas clear and short.
strength
Clear view and good start.
structure
Easy to read; good plan with intro, body, and end.
evidence
Examples of real work are used.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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