IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
 have become increasingly common, as people from different ethnic backgrounds live and work together in many countries.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation offers a range of benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 presents certain challenges. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both the advantages and disadvantages of multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there are many benefits associated with multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
. One of the most apparent advantages is cultural enrichment, as people are exposed to diverse traditions, languages, and perspectives. To illustrate, interaction among different ethnic groups can promote tolerance, mutual understanding, and creativity.
For instance
Linking Words
, multicultural cities often enjoy a wide variety of cultural festivals, cuisines, and artistic expressions, which enhance social life and attract tourism.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages related to multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
 that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is the potential for social tension and communication difficulties. To clarify, differences in language, values, and social norms may lead to misunderstandings or conflicts between groups.
For example
Linking Words
, immigrants may struggle to integrate into the host society,
while
Linking Words
 local residents may feel that their cultural identity is being threatened. To recapitulate, it is evident that the main merit of multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
 lies in cultural diversity and social enrichment,
while
Linking Words
 the principal downside is the risk of social division and integration problems. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that multicultural
societies
Use synonyms
 can be highly beneficial if governments and communities promote inclusion, equal opportunities, and mutual respect among all ethnic groups.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In the essay, add more clear examples to back up the points.
task response
Try to state your main view very early in the intro.
coherence
Use 1 idea per part and make short, clear sentences.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, so, and to show how ideas go from one to next.
task response
There is a clear view on the topic and a closing that ends the essay.
coherence
The essay writes about both sides, which shows balance.
coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: