IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the bar chart compares the male and female working hours in Australia in 2007

The chart compares the working
hours
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in Australia in 2007. It shows how many
hours
Use synonyms
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in different time groups. In 0-10
hours
Use synonyms
, females
work
Use synonyms
 more. Around 15%
women
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
, but only 5%
men
Use synonyms
 hustle. In 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
 make an effort more again. Approximately 22%
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 nearly 12%. In 30-50
hours
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 more than
women
Use synonyms
.
Men
Use synonyms
 are about 42% and
women
Use synonyms
 35%. In 60-80
hours
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 are still more.
Men
Use synonyms
 are about 30% and
women
Use synonyms
 are about 18%. In over 80
hours
Use synonyms
, both are the same 10%.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 usually
work
Use synonyms
 longer
hours
Use synonyms
, but
women
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 more in shorter
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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