Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important things. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that spending
time
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to improve a future career is the most significant
things
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thing
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. Others argue that spending
time
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with close
people
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is more important. In my opinion of view,
people
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have to keep a
balance
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. On the one hand,
people
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try to earn a lot of money for a wealthy life. That's why many young
people
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work
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so much.
For example
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, nowadays, the young generation works 12 hours in the USA.
As a result
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, the majority of wealthy
people
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live in the USA.
On the other hand
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, some inhabitants prefer to spend
time
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with family and friends. Spending
time
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with family members improves a mental health of human; speaking from the heart, drinking a cup of tea and hugging them. Most of
nation
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the nation
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value
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values
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this
Linking Words
kind of warm
moments
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moment
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.
For instance
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, many Uzbek individuals appreciate being together, especially rating palov, cooking palov together. Citizens are friendly and kind to each other. In my opinion , keeping a
balance
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is the best solution. Both aspects, spending
time
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at
work
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and with
family
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family,
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are important. It helps achieve harmony between
working
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work
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and family. If
people
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spend
time
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only with family, they cannot earn much money.
As a result
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, it
is
Verb problem
has
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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to unhappiness
them
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for them
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.
However
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, if young
people
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work
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a lot, they can lose
warm
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warmth
show examples
and love between family and friends. That's why
the
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apply
show examples
keeping a
balance
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is significant.
For instance
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, many Korean
people
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try to keep a
balance
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. They strive to
work
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5/6 hours in day and find
a
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apply
show examples
good
work
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with a high salary. It
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
really improved their life
to
Change preposition
on
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good
Correct article usage
the good
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side. In conclusion, some inhabitants believe that spending
time
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to develop future
work
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with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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salary is the most important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
. Others claim that passing
time
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with family members and friends is more significant. In my opinion of view,
people
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should keep a
balance
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.

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grammar
Fix wrong grammar and make phrases simple and clear.
structure
Use clear topic sentence in each paragraph and make ideas flow one after the other.
content
Give more detail for each view with real, easy examples.
grammar
Check singular/plural and word form (e.g., 'a day', 'hours' vs 'hour').
content
The essay shows both sides and gives an opinion.
structure
Conclusion states balance as the best idea.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career
  • family
  • friends
  • time
  • work
  • life
  • job
  • money
  • happy
  • sad
  • plan
  • balance
  • choice
  • view
  • opinion
  • reason
  • example
  • learn
  • growth
  • skill
  • success
  • goal
  • support
  • stress
  • health
  • together
  • relax
  • enjoy
  • limit
  • schedule
  • boundary
  • future
  • care
  • value
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