Many children today are overweight. This is a serious health problem. Give the reasons for this and give solutions to help fix this problem.

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Nowadays, many
children
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are overweight and facing serious health problems.
This
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is a big issue in many countries. In
this
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essay, I will explain the reasons for
this
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problem and give some simple solutions. There are two main reasons why many
children
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are getting fat today.
Children
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have very unhealthy habits.
First,
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many
children
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eat a lot of fast
food
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like burgers and chips, and they drink sugary sodas every day.
This
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food
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has a lot of fat and sugar.
Secondly
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,
children
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do not move enough. They prefer to sit at home, watch TV, and play video games on their tablets
instead
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of playing sports or running outside. We can solve
this
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health problem if we work together. We need better help from parents and
schools
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.
First,
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parents must give their
children
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healthy
food
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like
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, such as
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fruits and vegetables
at
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, at
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home.
Also
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, they should encourage them to walk or play sports every day.
Secondly
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,
schools
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and the government should stop selling junk
food
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to
children
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.
Instead
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,
schools
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can offer good meals and make fun sports classes for everyone.
Finally
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, childhood obesity is caused by bad eating habits and too much screen time.
However
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, if parents and
schools
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help
children
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eat well and stay active, we can easily solve
this
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probl
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problem

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Task response
You answer both parts: reasons and ways to help. To get a higher score, explain each point more. For example, say how sugar and fat make children gain weight, and how sport can help them stay well.
Task response
Your ideas are clear, but the examples are quite general. Add one short real-life example, such as a school meal plan or a family rule about screen time.
Task response
Do not say the problem can be 'easily' solved. This is a big problem. Say it can be reduced if parents, schools, and the state work together.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, reasons, answers, and end. Keep this plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use 'First' and 'Secondly' well. You can also use 'For this reason', 'As a result', and 'In addition' to show how ideas are linked.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each main point stronger by adding one more sentence after it. This will help the reader follow your ideas and see why they matter.
Task response
You cover all parts of the question. You give two reasons and several ways to help.
Task response
Your reasons are on topic: poor food and not enough movement. Your answers are also useful: healthy food, sport, and better school meals.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear job.
Coherence and cohesion
The start tells the reader what the essay will do, and the end brings the main ideas together.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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