Topic: Many people believe that zoos are cruel and should be closed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, many people argue that keeping wild
animals
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in
zoos
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is cruel, and these places should be closed.
While
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I understand that
animals
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deserve freedom, well-managed
zoos
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play a vital role in education and conservation.
Therefore
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, I partially agree with the statement. On the one hand, many
zoos
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do not provide enough space for wild
animals
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.
Animals
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like lions or elephants need large areas to roam. In small cages, they become stressed and behave unnaturally.
Additionally
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,
animals
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do not get enough food
according to
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their body mass ratio, like, lions need to eat 20KG meat per week to stay fit.
Furthermore
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, some
zoos
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prioritise profit over the welfare of the
animals
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. They keep
animals
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in poor condition just to entertain visitors. In these cases,
zoos
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are indeed cruel, and they should be shut down to stop animal suffering.
On the other hand
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,
zoos
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play an essential role in protecting endangered species. Many
zoos
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run breeding programs for
animals
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that are almost extinct in the wild.
For example
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, the panda population has increased because of captive breeding.
Furthermore
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,
zoos
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educate children and adults about wildlife conservation. Seeing a real animal creates a stronger connection than seeing a picture in a book.
This
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education inspires people to protect the environment. In conclusion,
although
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zoos
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can be cruel if they are poorly managed, they are crucial for saving endangered species and educating the public. I believe that rather than closing all
zoos
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, governments should tighten regulations to ensure that all
zoos
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prioritise animal welfare and conservation efforts.

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Task Response
Task response: Your view is clear and you discuss both sides. To raise score, add more strong, precise facts and keep your intro and conclusion in line with your main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Break long sentences into shorter ones for easier flow.
Task Response
The essay has a clear structure with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Examples are used, like panda breeding and the idea of education to help people see the issue.
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