IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent you agree or disagree?

The high adrenaline types of
sports
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
sky
Use synonyms
 diving and
skiing
Punctuation problem
skiing,
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 too hazardous for human lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 prohibition is necessary. I strongly believe that
although
Linking Words
 they are risky, everyone who
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to experience these
sports
Use synonyms
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 the consequences of
fail
Replace the word
failure
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is not the only argument
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 today
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
 advancements are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 another level, though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
failures happen. The view of
sports
Use synonyms
 is
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is popular not because people are forced to do them, but their appreciation towards the emotions that
experience
Check wording
the sport
show examples
 provides
lure
Correct subject-verb agreement
lures
show examples
 them.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adrenaline in large proportions, which makes the feeling after
session
Correct article usage
the session
show examples
 unforgettable. Actually, they are not that menacing as it is described,
for instance
Linking Words
, you will not dive in the
sky
Use synonyms
 alone, there will be a professional that controls everything
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
you one
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 duty is to enjoy yourself in the
sky
Use synonyms
. Plus, the man
mastered
Correct pronoun usage
who mastered
show examples
 the
sport
Use synonyms
 is not the only
safety
Use synonyms
 provided
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 before being engaged
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always
safety
Use synonyms
 instructions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 without learning and using
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 it will not be allowed to do
this
Linking Words
 type of threatening
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 life of
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
 is in first place, even the method of breathing is taught. As long as there is a mark of
human
Replace the word
humanity
show examples
, there will be mistakes, but the most treacherous consequence is some mental trauma or broken bones. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the types of
sports
Use synonyms
 like
sky
Use synonyms
 diving and skiing look extremely menacing, they are actually safe. The reason for
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
 to exist is that people love
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
, despite these
sports
Use synonyms
involve
Wrong verb form
involving
show examples
 risk, strict
safety
Use synonyms
 regulations largely
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the likelihood of accidents

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structure
Make your plan in four lines. Start with your view. Then give two or three ideas that support it. End with a short ending that restates your view.
content
Grow your ideas with facts or easy numbers. For example, you can say how safety rules are used in practice, or show one or two results from sport rules.
language
Fix grammar and make it clear. Watch for subject–verb and plural form. Use simple, short sentences.
coherence
Use clear links so the reader can follow your thinking. Try to start a new idea in a new sentence or link with words like 'also', 'but', 'and' at the right place.
conclusion
End with a clear restatement of your view. Do not change your mind in the last line.
stance
The writer shows a clear view against a ban.
content
Mention of safety rules and the role of pro guides helps the argument.
coherence
Some linking words are used to move ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
What to do next:
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