IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n contemporary society, everyone should have equal opportunities in education. Therefore, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, equal access to education is considered an elemental human right. Because of that, it is argued
if
Change preposition
whether
show examples
universities
Use synonyms
 should be forced to accept the same
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of men and women students.
While
Linking Words
 I strongly agree that everyone should have the same opportunities, I do not believe that it should depend on
gender
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, admission to university should be solely based on focus on academic ability, rather than on
gender
Use synonyms
. If
universities
Use synonyms
 were to balance numbers to meet a certain requirement, there is a possibility that certain candidates may be accepted or rejected simply to meet a statistic.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the admission process would lose credibility,
in addition
Linking Words
 to the risk of having unqualified and unprepared students in certain courses.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
gender
Use synonyms
 inequality is often created by society itself rather than academic institutions
such
Linking Words
 as
universities
Use synonyms
. Naturally, though it is not the rule, women are often drawn to subjects like psychology or design,
while
Linking Words
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, men are attracted to engineering or business.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with
such
Linking Words
 examples,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 any imbalance is everyone's
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 despite of any regulation that could be enforced.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the root of the problem lies in society’s cultural norms and patterns. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 I
full
Replace the word
fully
show examples
 support the right of everyone to have an education, I do not agree with
universities
Use synonyms
 imposing
Linking Words
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
these types
show examples
 of regulations.
Instead
Linking Words
, equal access and encouragement should be ensured, allowing students to make decisions based on their interests and capacities. I am confident that these will achieve true
gender
Use synonyms
 equality without compromising academic integrity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Make your view clear at the start and end. State how much you agree or disagree.
structure
Plan four parts: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
structure
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain why.
examples
Add a real example to back up your point.
grammar
Check grammar and fix words like 'responsibility' and 'despite'.
style
Use short, simple words and short sentences.
content
You show a clear view and you state your main point.
structure
You link ideas with some good words.
relevance
The topic fits the task well and you stay on it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: