More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, individuals are gaining weight more and more. Some argue that
this
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trend can be solved by raising the fee
of
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on
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junk
food
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. In
this
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essay, I will explain why I do not agree with
this
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solution. There are various reasons why
people
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are becoming more and more obese, and to tackle
this
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problem, we need to learn the reasons for it.
Firstly
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, the cost of healthy
food
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– junk
food
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is cheap in comparison to healthy and organic
food
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;
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therefore
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,
people
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tend to go to places
such
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as McDonald's and KFC since they are more affordable.
Secondly
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, having no
time
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to cook,
for example
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, corporate workers work from nine to five plus the
time
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of transportation. So they lean more towards processed foods as an option to save
time
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.
However
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, there are various ways to solve
this
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problem and
decline
Verb problem
decrease
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the
percentages
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percentage
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of overweight individuals. One major solution is that governments should start to invest in programmes that teach
people
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about the risks of being overweight and how much it would affect them in the future.
Also
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, individuals should start practising more exercise,
such
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as walking, swimming and cycling.
In addition
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to that, workers who do not have
time
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to cook their meals throughout the week should start to organise and prepare their meals on the weekend to avoid ordering junk
food
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every day.
To conclude
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, governments should start encouraging
people
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to live a healthy life and begin to change their diet so they can be healthy and not suffer from diseases.

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content
Make your answer clearer in the intro. Say your full view on raising the price and stick to it in the body. This helps the reader know your view from the start.
structure
Keep one idea in one paragraph. Start each paragraph with a short line that tells the point, then add a reason and a small example.
cohesion
Use simple words to join ideas. Use words like also, but, for example, and then to show how ideas go together.
language
Check facts and word choice. The claim that junk food is cheaper than healthy food is not true in all places. Use clear and simple facts. Choose easy words.
content
Finish with a short conclusion that restates your view and adds a quick summary of the main reasons.
content
You show a clear view that the price rise is not the best fix.
structure
You give real life examples like fast food shops and ideas on exercise.
cohesion
The essay moves from cause to fix, and ends with a short end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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