IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what soft of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

It is essential for the young generation to learn the
variety
Check wording
difference
show examples
 between correct and mistake at an early age. Punishment is important to teach them to learn
this
Linking Words
 distinction. Personally, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 below
some
Punctuation problem
, some
show examples
 arguments will be provided. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 should use different kinds of punishments for their
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 they are at an early age. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that
parents
Use synonyms
 should educate their
children
Use synonyms
, which makes them intelligent and polite.
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 must control their
children
Use synonyms
’s screen time.
For instance
Linking Words
, adults should take their gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as phone, laptop and PlayStation if the screen time is over from limited
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a second reason why punishment is necessary for
children
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the result of the experiment illustrates that those who grow up in strict families, likeably
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 smarter and successful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, China has the latest technologies because of
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 discipline.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 should use soft punishments. To explain, some
children
Use synonyms
 think they can bully or make noise away from their
parents
Use synonyms
. As an illustration, they might harm other students who came to study at school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young people might disrespect their
teachers
Use synonyms
. What I am going to clarify is that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should punish their students in different ways. What I will give as an example is
Use synonyms
teachers
Correct word choice
that teachers
show examples
 should take them with themself until the night without food or any gadget until they
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 what mistake they made. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 there are many benefits of teaching teenagers what is right and what is wrong at an early age, I firmly believe that
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should punish their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to improve their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 for their good.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give one clear view in the intro and keep it in the essay. Then add three strong ideas in the body with simple, connected ideas.
coherence
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and add linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
language
Check grammar and spelling. Fix mistakes like 'likeably' and 'difference between right and wrong'. Use short, correct sentences.
structure
You try to show both sides and keep your view.
structure
There is a plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
Some ideas, like controlling screen time, are good.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: