In many countries, people decide to have children at a later age than in the past. Why? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the contemporary era, it is assumed that young
people
tend to give birth to their children
at a later age than the previous generations . This
essay agrees that the drawback of having children
at unsuitable ages, comprising the decline in population and ageing outweighs the benefits, which are to ease the burdens of daily living and give a better quality of life for the children
.
First and foremost, there is no denying that giving birth to children
at a later age can lead to some benefits. One of the main downsides is contributes to reducing stress in life. As observed, many young people
are currently facing several pressures in their daily lives such
as peer pressure or uncommon economic circumstances and it goes down to the fact that there are barriers that prevent young people
from having children
early. For instance
, the average salary of Vietnamese people
is just around 8 million per month and it leads to the issue that the majority can’t afford the colossal fees to adopt a child. Moreover
, another merit is that parents can save up to the required amount of money to fulfil the human aspirations of having a baby. There’s no lie that raising a child can be worth up to a billion Dong so I suppose that children
should not have to endure the hardships of poverty and lack of conditions.
Despite the aforementioned advantages, having a baby at an older age can provide more notable drawbacks. A few years back, people
tended to sacrifice their
next generation and adopt pets Change the word
the
instead
of raising children
because it doesn’t cost a fortune. Taking the Korean young generation as an example, the birth rate is currently witnessing an alarming number that can cause various societal issues in the future. Besides
, another demerit contributes to enhancing ageing which can lead to loss in the employee market in the future. It is clear that
the economy of the country can experience a downward trend if it can’t fulfil the demand for workers in industry fields.
In conclusion, although
the mentioned problem can give rise to ease the burdens of daily living and give a better quality of life for the next generations, they are overshadowed by the upsides, including the decline in population and ageing.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position and addresses the task, the development of ideas can be more organized. Consider further dividing and clearly distinguishing the advantages and disadvantages to ensure clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported with specific and relevant examples to make the arguments more persuasive. The current examples are somewhat general and can be elaborated.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly. This will help guide the reader through your argument in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
Continue to ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within a paragraph are clearly related. This will help in enhancing coherence and cohesion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a coherent response to the task.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task with relevant ideas about the benefits and drawbacks of having children later in life.
task achievement
The essay presents some relevant examples, helping to support the main points.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.