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Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialise. Some people think this has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding the evolution of technology in communication. It is believed by some
individuals
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has helped
people
Use synonyms
 to get closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each other.
Others
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 that it is leading to isolation.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
 the
convienence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 of connecting
people
Use synonyms
 across the
globe
Use synonyms
 and
able
Verb problem
being able
show examples
 to meet diverse
people
Use synonyms
, supporting
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in telecommunication is the most appropriate choice.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that most of the folks are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 less interactive in social life. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 are becoming
addictied
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to the virtual medium of communication
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, they lack interpersonal skills to demonstrate their ability to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 with
others
Use synonyms
. The
millenenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
, for
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, are spending more time on social media
such
Linking Words
 as
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they depend on
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 apps to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 with other
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they lose the ability to speak clearly and confidently in public.
As a result
Linking Words
,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
tried
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to avoid
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 because of inferior complexity
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 eventually leads to
solitary
Correct article usage
a solitary
show examples
 lifestyle.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has changed the way of communication
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
since
Change preposition
over
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few decades. The reason is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
high speed
Use the right word
high-speed
show examples
 connectivity across the
globe
Use synonyms
, where
individuals
Use synonyms
 can connect with their loved ones within a few seconds. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 the past, folks had to send
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
 to communicate with
others
Use synonyms
 who
resides
Wrong verb form
resided
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the other part of the country and
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to wait a month for the reply.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, Apps like
whatsapp
Use the right word
WhatsApp
show examples
 or IMO, which is basically a chat
messanger
Correct your spelling
messenger
, have filled
this
Linking Words
 bridge because
people
Use synonyms
 can connect either via video call or phone call within a second.
This
Linking Words
 feature has
revolutionized
Change the spelling
revolutionised
show examples
 the
telecommunication
Fix the agreement mistake
telecommunications
show examples
ara
Check wording
arena
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 are becoming close to each other.
Overall
Linking Words
, I still opine that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has played a crucial role in connecting
individuals
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 broader scale. Another reason stems from the fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Individuals
Use synonyms
 can make new friends based on
diversity
Punctuation problem
diversity,
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 can learn new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 of
others
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be union and
harmoized
Correct your spelling
harmonised
 among
others
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a positive influence as it
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 a sense of compassion and empathy towards
other
Use the right word
the
show examples
 community.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 can get to know about the rituals and culture of any country by connecting with their native
people
Use synonyms
 rather than travelling across the world.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Both
Fix capitalization
both
show examples
 sides present strong
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the
convienence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 of connecting
people
Use synonyms
 across the
globe
Use synonyms
 and
able
Verb problem
being able
show examples
 to meet diverse
people
Use synonyms
, supporting
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in telecommunication is the most appropriate choice. If
people
Use synonyms
 should cultivate a sense of
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to control the access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and work on developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interpersonal
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can prove to be a better tool for connecting
people
Use synonyms
 across the
globe
Use synonyms
.

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task
Make a clear plan before you write. Use four steps: intro, one side, other side, then a short end. Each part has one main idea and a small example.
coherence
Use easy link words to show how ideas fit together. Try words like also, but, however, then.
language
Check your spelling and grammar. Fix big mistakes like convienence, addictied, millenenials.
task
Give more clear and specific examples for each point.
coherence
Keep sentences short and simple. This helps the flow of the text.
development
The essay shows some effort to talk about both sides.
position
There is a clear view at the end.
examples
Some app examples are given.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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