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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

While
Linking Words
 competition is trusted to be beneficial to some individuals or groups, others believe that collaboration would be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better alternative
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than putting
people
Use synonyms
 against each other.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, both of these views can be held true when looking at them in their own respective areas and contexts
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is only
then
Linking Words
 that we
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 draw a conclusion without undermining any components and their values. On one hand, when put in an environment that promotes individuality’s own success or prowess, newer and higher standards can be formed and reached.
This
Linking Words
 , in return, can perpetuate the cycle of
people
Use synonyms
 putting in more hard work and dedication to achieve their goal, only to be beaten by a new person who has put in more passion and effort.
Thus
Linking Words
, setting up the bar that the rest of the
people
Use synonyms
 need to acknowledge and strive to surpass
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Such
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 as in the sports
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 where the most skilful and talented
people
Use synonyms
 train and fight against each other so that they can climb and determine the number one position that millions of
people
Use synonyms
 could only wish for.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuality’s potential is only a turning gear compared to an array of working parts that function flawlessly together
,
Punctuation problem
;
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this
Linking Words
 teamwork can offer to strengthen and give leverage that would have been hidden away
due to
Linking Words
 competition. It is
this
Linking Words
 bond that can connect and lead
people
Use synonyms
 to have mutual understanding and grounding, which , through cooperation, they can help to fill in the weaknesses or hone the strength that each person possess. Take construction workers
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, they follow and apply the experience that they have with the addition of collaboration with each other, they can successfully build and maintain buildings, skyscrapers, …. In conclusion, both of these mindsets can provide benefits and illustrate the power
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can have on the individual and communities. Noteworthy that it is based on a certain situation that we can get the most from both and apply to our daily lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 are competing or cooperating, the goal should never change
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 you are trying to be the best within your surroundings and environment.

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structure
Make each idea clear with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple link words to join ideas, like and, but, so.
grammar
Shorten long sentences and cut words that slow the flow.
lexical
Use clear words; avoid hard forms and long phrases.
content
The essay shows both sides and adds a own view.
content
Examples from life, like sport or build work, help idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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