2-Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Zoos
Use synonyms
are still a popular destination for
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
and
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
attraction
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
, some might argue that
collect
Wrong verb form
collecting
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
mean because they
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
to be in their natural habitats. In my opinion, I am convinced that a proper
zoo
Use synonyms
brings more positive impacts for the
animals
Use synonyms
and the ecosystems within.
To begin
Linking Words
with, today's
zoo
Use synonyms
is not identical with fences or
glasses-case
Use the right word
glass cases
show examples
. There are numerous
zoos
Use synonyms
which protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
in their natural habitat. A good illustration for
this
Linking Words
, in
Indonesia
Punctuation problem
Indonesia,
show examples
there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
well-known safari world where
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
of
animals
Use synonyms
live in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
protected forest.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
it is a human-made forest, they have a decent area to sleep, eat, and explore their surroundings. By having the
zoo
Use synonyms
well-managed,
this
Linking Words
can be beneficial for the living
habitants
Use the right word
inhabitants
show examples
to be protected from external threat-cruel humans or predators, and
Linking Words
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
show examples
human beings can nurture the
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animals'
show examples
necessities,
such
Linking Words
as good quality of food and hygiene.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for rare
animals
Use synonyms
, with the help of animal experts, challenging reproductivity
might
Check wording
issues might
show examples
be cured,
hence
Linking Words
it keeps the population existence.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is proven that
zoos
Use synonyms
are useful, particularly in rescuing rare
animals
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
actually set limitations for living creatures. Sometimes,
zoos
Use synonyms
offer entertainment for the visitors by showing
Use synonyms
animals attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
animal attractions
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
means
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
animals
Use synonyms
requested
Verb problem
were requested
show examples
to do something that
usually
Correct pronoun usage
they usually
show examples
use
Verb problem
do in
show examples
a threatening way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, several
zoos
Use synonyms
have limited space to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
those living creatures, which led to the narrow area for the
animals
Use synonyms
to live and do their habits.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a
zoo
Use synonyms
that was found viral
due to
Linking Words
their size of ocra pool is actually at the
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
size of the ocra size,
hence
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
caused the
ocra
Check wording
ocra's
show examples
death because it triggered the animal's stress level.
However
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
should not harm the living creatures within
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
to protect and provide
animals
Use synonyms
' necessities. In conclusion, despite the harmful impact of the existence of
Use synonyms
zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
show examples
, the upsides are
suppose
Wrong verb form
supposed
show examples
to be greater than the drawbacks.
Zoos
Use synonyms
can offer protection and
nursery
Correct article usage
a nursery
show examples
for wild
animals
Use synonyms
, especially for rare populations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Task response: You state your view and talk about both sides. To improve, add clear facts or real-life acts, and show a stronger claim in the opening.
coherence
Coherence: Use one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas with simple words. Start with a clear sentence that shows your view and end with a sentence that repeats it.
grammar
Grammar: There are many small mistakes with spelling and word form. Check subject-verb and verb tense, and use correct spellings (for example, 'Even though', 'accommodate').
lexis
Vocabulary: Use simple but correct words. Avoid wrong or unclear words. Keep meaning clear.
organization
Organization: Have an introduction that states your view, body paragraphs with one main idea each, and a closing that restates your view.
perspective
The essay tries to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
coherence
There are connected ideas with linking words like 'On the contrary' and 'Moreover'.
content
Some real place mention (Safari World) and concrete examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: