IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?” Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The interesting statement, which
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
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 us about how
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to visit on
holiday
Punctuation problem
holiday,
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 emerges, whether in their own
country
Use synonyms
 or other
countries
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I partially disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because,
despite
Change preposition
although
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people
Use synonyms
 must
to
Verb problem
apply
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put their love
to
Change preposition
into
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 their
country
Use synonyms
, many illegal
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
immigrants
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 emerge by managing the local places.
This
Linking Words
 issue
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be resolved by reflecting the holiday
state
Use synonyms
 of other
countries
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, visiting the local
state
Use synonyms
 not only
deepen
Correct subject-verb agreement
deepens
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 love
to
Change preposition
for
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 their
country
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 local society
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 obviously can give them a certain benefit in
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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.
For example
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 in Indonesia live
in
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 coast, which
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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be
Verb problem
apply
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their
job place
Use the right word
workplace
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 as a fisherman or
owning
Wrong verb form
owner of
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seafood
Correct article usage
a seafood
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 restaurant. When
people
Use synonyms
 visit a beach, they certainly want to taste
a
Correct article usage
the
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 typical seafood by buying it from
them
Use the right word
the
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.
Check wording
locals.
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This
Linking Words
 path of economy can make local
people
Use synonyms
 live by managing their income to feed their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
However
Linking Words
, enjoying the local
state
Use synonyms
 is not
only the
Correct word order
the only
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 option that can make local society gain prosperity. By learning from different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 in foreign
countries
Use synonyms
, local states can be enhanced on how they manage the tourist
state
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the same
country
Use synonyms
, Indonesia, many places remain controlled by illegal
people
Use synonyms
 who deliberately force the expensive ticket
to
Change preposition
on
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visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon barely happens in
neigbourhood
Correct your spelling
neighbouring
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Malaysia and Singapore. They have a proper
system
Use synonyms
 compared to Indonesia, where local places are managed by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 standard payment of
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
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 ticket.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to visit the place
also
Linking Words
 feel safe without being robbed by illegal
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite visiting the local
state
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
having
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 a particular advantage to local
people
Use synonyms
, neglecting illegal
people
Use synonyms
 can make the
system
Use synonyms
 of
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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state
Use synonyms
 fragile.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
learning
Correct article usage
a learning
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system
Use synonyms
 in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
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country
Use synonyms
 can be
the
Correct article usage
an
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 option to fix the
system
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better society.

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task
Answer the task more clearly. Say your view in the first line and keep to it throughout the essay.
coherence
Make the flow easy to follow. Use words that show how ideas link, such as first, next, then, but, and finally.
structure
The essay shows there is a main idea about local travel and its good and bad parts.
content
The writer gives real place examples (Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore) to back up points.
coherence
Some link words are used, like To begin with and However.
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