IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people belive that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. to what extend do you agree with this?

Some individuals think that
money
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 is one of the most crucial factors in an individual
satisfaction
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. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
money
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 is the most improtant factor for many reasons: the
person
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 can buy whatever he wants, and can achieve his
dreams
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 which will help increase the
person
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's level of
satisfaction
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. The
person
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 can buy whatever he desires.
This
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 specific reason is that it helps increasing
person
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 happiness.
For instance
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, if he always dreamed of buying a cruise, his dream car, or even his dream house. Buying these non-essentials, would definitly increase the
person
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's personal
satisfaction
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, and make feel better about his lives. Achieving childhood
dreams
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 will be easy with
money
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!,
People
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 can achieve certain
dreams
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 like: working as a mechanic, becoming a doctor, or engineer. The vast majority of
people
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 cannot enter their dream faculities because of the financial issues of the family, or the availability of a university, college that provide teaching
this
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 major.
For instance
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, as a sudanese I know so many
people
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 who are so savvy, but couldn't enroll for the major of their
dreams
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, because of their familiy financial issues. I think
money
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 would be a crucial factor in helping these
people
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 out, and guarantee a better future for them. In conclusion, I strongly agree that
money
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 is one of the most improtant factors in someone's life for many reasons: buy whatever he desires, or achieve his childhood
dreams
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.
Therefore
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, it would increase the
person
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's level of
satisfaction
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.

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structure
Plan a clear layout with intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
task response
State a clear position in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
content
Develop each idea with simple, specific examples and explain why it matters.
grammar
Fix grammar errors and spell words correctly (e.g., 'definitely', 'faculty', 'Sudanese' capitalization).
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
grammar
Keep sentences short and check punctuation to avoid run-on sentences.
stance clarity
The writer shows a clear view and says why money can matter.
content examples
Some examples are used to explain ideas.
content validity
Attempts to link money to future chances like study and work.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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