IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, the debate over whether governments should have
access
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 to citizens’ mobile phone records and messages has become increasingly controversial.
While
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 some people argue that
such
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access
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 is necessary to ensure public safety, others believe that it represents a serious violation of individual privacy.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, supporters of
government
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 surveillance argue that it plays a crucial role in maintaining national security. With the rise of terrorism, cybercrime, and
organized
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organised
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 criminal networks, authorities often rely on digital communication records to prevent illegal activities.
Access
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 to call logs and messages can help law enforcement agencies identify suspicious
behavior
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behaviour
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 and stop crimes before they occur.
For instance
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, several terrorist attacks around the world have reportedly been prevented
due to
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 the monitoring of electronic communications.
Therefore
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, allowing governments limited
access
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 to
such
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data
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 could significantly enhance public safety.
On the other hand
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, opponents claim that granting governments unrestricted
access
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 to private communications undermines fundamental human rights. Privacy is a basic civil liberty, and constant surveillance may create a society in which individuals feel monitored and insecure.
Moreover
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, there is a risk that sensitive information could be misused by
government
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 officials or leaked
due to
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 poor
data
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 protection systems. In some cases, personal
data
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 has been exploited for political or personal purposes, which raises serious ethical concerns. In my opinion,
although
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government
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access
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 to mobile phone records can help combat crime, it should only be permitted under strict legal regulations and judicial oversight. Authorities should obtain a court order before accessing private
data
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, ensuring that citizens’ rights are protected
while
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 still maintaining national security. In conclusion,
while
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government
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access
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 to mobile phone
data
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 may contribute to crime prevention, it
also
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 poses significant risks to individual privacy. A balanced approach, combining security measures with strong legal safeguards, is essential.

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task
Make your view clear in the intro and keep it in each part of the essay.
cohesion
Use small linking words to show how ideas fit together.
content
Add one or two more clear examples to back your view.
grammar
Check your long sentences and keep them short so all can read easily.
content
The essay shows both sides well and has a clear view.
cohesion
Link words like 'on the one hand' 'on the other hand' are used well.
structure
There is a good ending that restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • privacy
  • communication data
  • public safety
  • terrorist activities
  • serious crimes
  • monitoring
  • tracked
  • unauthorized access
  • fundamental human right
  • abuse of power
  • infringement
  • trust in governmental institutions
  • surveillance capabilities
  • government power
  • overreach
  • strict regulations
  • accountability measures
  • individual rights
  • potential misuse
  • swift interventions
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