IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fast food is becoming one part of life everywhere; this has bad effects on our lifestyles and diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

We are currently living in an obesity epidemic where an increasing amount of adults and children are suffering from the effects of
binging
Use the right word
bingeing
show examples
 on unhealthy foods. In modern
times
Punctuation problem
times,
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 has become widely accessible, cheap and
addicting
Replace the word
addictive
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. I strongly agree that fast
food
Use synonyms
 can have a
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 negative impact on our lives.
Due to
Linking Words
 their affordable prices, many working adults, students and underprivileged people rely on fast
food
Use synonyms
 as their main diet. The lack of time, money and motivation to cook balanced homemade meals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 increases reliance on them.
Long term
Use the right word
Long-term
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 ingestion of
such
Linking Words
 meals can cause serious health problems
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
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cardiovascular diseases , diabetes, hypertension, hypercholesterolemia and even increases the risk of colon cancer. Not only is fast
food
Use synonyms
 cheap
it
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, it
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 is
also
Linking Words
 highly addictive. Sugary soft drinks, sweets
such
Linking Words
 as candy bars, ice creams, pastries
Punctuation problem
, etc
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etc
Punctuation problem
etc,
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 have very poor nutritional value ,
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 amount of trans fats and are known to be highly addictive. Uncontrolled sugar intake in the form of white bread, flour, pasta, rice, sweets
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, etc
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etc
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etc,
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 can very quickly cause diabetes. Lack of proper vitamins and minerals that are derived
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 fresh produce, milk, eggs, fish and meat can result in deficiencies. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a cheap alternative to real
food
Use synonyms
and
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, and
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 it comes with the price of poor health in the long term. Avoiding the
tempation
Correct your spelling
temptation
 of cheap restaurant meals and making an effort to cook at home and eat more fresh produce is one of the easiest ways to avoid
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 problems in the long run. I strongly agree that just by avoiding fast
food
Use synonyms
, one can increase the quality of life and health.

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Structure
Plan your view and points before you write. Start with your view in one line.
Coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Use words like First, Next, Also, But, Finally.
Content
Add 1 or 2 specific examples to back your points.
Language
Check spelling and make simple sentences. Fix mistakes so the text is easy to read.
Task Response
Clear view that fast food hurts health and life.
Coherence
The text connects price and taste as reasons.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart diseases
  • nutritional deficiency
  • malnutrition
  • convenience
  • nutritional value
  • busy lifestyles
  • balanced meals
  • economic impact
  • lower-income groups
  • healthier alternatives
  • cultural heritage
  • culinary diversity
  • mass production
  • environmental degradation
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