IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more athletes are using drugs to enhance their performance. What do you think are the reasons and effects of this?

In the world of
sport
Add a comma
sport,
show examples
 there is a common
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 for athletes, which is using
drugs
Use synonyms
. It is done in order to improve their performance skills. It might have various causes and consequences. One of the popular reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 drug
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 is a desire to win or achieve
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 ranks possible. When an athlete participates in a
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 competition, he or she might have different motives. One wants to win to get money, another wants to succeed because of fame. To reach their goals
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 start thinking of ways
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to reach the goal
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the easiest way.
Drugging
Fix the agreement mistake
Drugs
show examples
 can be a solution since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a noticeable impact on your body and performance skills.
However
Linking Words
, do they really understand the consequences of
such
Linking Words
action
Correct article usage
an action
show examples
? Using
drugs
Use synonyms
 leaves numerous effects behind.
For instance
Linking Words
, health issues and later investigations. If an athlete really cared about his
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
, he wouldn't use and abuse
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Instead
Add a comma
Instead,
show examples
 why not try natural
energizers
Change the spelling
energisers
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as caffeine or vitamins
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 their health and body wouldn't bother them
aching
Change preposition
with aching
show examples
. In
summer
Correct article usage
the summer
show examples
 Olympic Games back in
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 many athletes celebrated their wins. After
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 there was an investigation.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they were accused of using
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 it led to disqualification
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their medals were taken back, unfortunately. Even though there is a high aspiration to achieve and win, sportsmen should know that using
drugs
Use synonyms
 does not end
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
well in any
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
show examples
. It has never been. More people should start thinking about the effects of
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 the government and international
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 will begin
their
Verb problem
to express their
show examples
 concerns and hopefully offer solutions.

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task response
Answer the question with one clear line at first. Then add two or three ideas with a small proof or example.
coherence
Make each idea a new paragraph. Start with a short line that says the idea. Then give a detail.
coherence
Use linking words like and, but, also, so to show how ideas go with each other.
structure
There is a clear opening about the topic.
content
The writer gives reasons and effects of drug use.
example
An example from the Olympics is given.
conclusion
There is a closing idea that asks for action.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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