IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

In recent years, one of the greatest challenges facing the introduction of technology is the uncensored privilege it has provided for
under-aged
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underage
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children
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 to access the
internet
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 and communicate with others on the same platform. As much as its
usage
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 improved the education sector,
it's
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its
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 problems are numerous.
This
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 essay will examine the problems
children
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 face
while
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 using the
internet
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 unsupervised and proffer possible solutions.
Iunsupervised
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Unsupervised
Internet
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usage
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 across
under_aged
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underage
children
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 has
poised
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posed
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 a great danger to parenting styles as
children
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 have the tendency
of emulating
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to emulate
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 ill behavioural patterns as seen and learned through the
internet
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. The
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contents
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content
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children
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 are exposed to through these platforms has made it almost
impossiblefor
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impossible for
 parents to
inulcate
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inculcate
 the right morals in
children
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 since they are in sharp contrast.
For example
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, A student of FGGC college who was questioned after being caught
practicing
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practising
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 lesbianism has reported that she learnt the act through the
internet
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.
This
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 explains the problem of
Parenting
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apply
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unsupervised
usage
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 of
the
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apply
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internet
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 has.
Consequently
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,
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this
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these
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 challenges can be addressed when parents become intentional about parenting by
with holding
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withholding
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 the use of gadgets by
children
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 until 18 years of
age
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.
Children
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 who are below 18 years should never be presented with gadgets until they become of
age
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. Moreso, parents and guardians should adopt the habit of using the Parental control feature available on the
internet
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 to filter the
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contents
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content
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children
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 are exposed to. When
this
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 feature is adopted, it only presents
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age appropriate
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age-appropriate
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contents
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content
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 available for the child's
age
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. In conclusion, unsupervised access of
children
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 to the
internet
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 is a great danger to parenting
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however
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; however
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, it can be solved through
non
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non-use
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usage
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 of
internet
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 gadgets and the introduction of the Parental feature in filtering
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 consumed by these
children
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.

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structure
Plan your piece. Say two main problems and match each with a fix.
language
Use short, clear sentences. Check spell and word use.
content
Give more real life or study ideas to show risk and how bad things can be.
content
Do not use very strong rules. Suggest balanced steps, like limit time and talk with a adult.
structure
Check punctuation and use paragraphs to show parts of your answer.
purpose
The purpose and goal of the essay are clear.
content
It shows a good idea of safety tools like controls.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • parental supervision
  • inappropriate content
  • online bullying
  • harassment
  • strangers
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • privacy
  • security
What to do next:
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