IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You child is going on a school trip overseas for week. The Headmaster is looking for parents to join the trip. Write a letter to state that you would like to join it. In your letter: Mention why you would like to join the trip. Ask some general questions about the trip. Mention how you can be helpful

Dear Sir, I am writing to inform you that I am very excited to join the trip with you.  My daughter has
packing
Verb problem
been packing
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 her luggage
one
Change preposition
for one
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 week ago so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there is no possible way to refuse.
I and her dad
Correct word order
Her dad and I
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 were afraid about
let
Wrong verb form
letting
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 her travel abroad without us, for that reason I decided to come with her. In order to take care of our child and other children
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 why not
to
Verb problem
apply
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try something new
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 I love exploring the world. I would like to ask you about the trip
, does
Punctuation problem
. Does
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 the trip include sea activities ? because we have to bring with us all we need.
Linking Words
Moreover
Punctuation problem
Moreover,
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 how many students will join us? I want to make sure about my ability to manage any
stiuation
Correct your spelling
situation
 we will face. I am very sure about my ability to
caring
Wrong verb form
care
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of
Change preposition
for
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 the students and support the headmaster in any problems.
Actually
Punctuation problem
Actually,
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 I
was manages
Wrong verb form
managed
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 an event with a lot of people and it was very
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours
Faithfully
Fix capitalization
faithfully
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, Ruba

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language
Fix many grammar errors and spelling to make the meaning clear.
structure
Use one main idea in each paragraph and put similar ideas together.
task response
Ask short, clear questions about the trip; keep the tone polite and firm.
content
The letter shows you want to join the trip and want to help other students.
relevancy
You ask about parts of the trip, which helps plan.
style
You use a formal tone with a proper closing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • educational experience
  • personal interest
  • itinerary
  • accommodation
  • roles and responsibilities
  • safety measures
  • emergency procedures
  • medical and disciplinary issues
  • first aid certification
  • language proficiency
  • volunteer experience
  • group management
  • supervision
  • schedule adherence
  • pre-trip preparations
  • post-trip follow-up
  • photo sharing
  • event recap
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