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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990. 2000 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates the annual
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 across
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
,
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Tanzania
Use synonyms
 and Guatemala in the years 1990, 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 had the highest
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 compared to the other three countries.
It's
Use the right word
Its
show examples
 most productive year was
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 an annual
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 of 11,466,000
litres
Use synonyms
 was recorded.
Australia
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 was the
second highest
Use the right word
second-highest
show examples
 producer with the highest amount of
milk
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 produced in 1990 at 11,246,000
litres
Use synonyms
.
Tanzania
Use synonyms
the
Verb problem
produced the
show examples
 third highest
and
Check wording
amount and
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 produced 1,55,000
litres
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Guatamala
Correct your spelling
Guatemala
 produced the least amount of
milk
Use synonyms
 compared to the other countries
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 its highest
production
Use synonyms
 recorded in 2010 at 84,000
litres
Use synonyms
. Apart from
Australia
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, every other country
noticed
Verb problem
has noticed
show examples
 an increase in
milk
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production
Use synonyms
throughout
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years.
Netherlands
Correct article usage
The Netherlands
show examples
 displayed a steady increase in
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 annual
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 throughout the years.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
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 it produced 11,262,000
litres
Use synonyms
 in 1990 but saw a spike in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 where 11,466,000
litres
Use synonyms
 of
milk
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 being produced.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Tanzania
Use synonyms
 and
Guatamala
Correct your spelling
Guatemala
 noticed an increase in
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 as well.
Tanzania
Use synonyms
 produced only 87,000
litres
Use synonyms
 in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, by
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 it saw a sharp rise and recorded 1,55,000
litres
Use synonyms
 being produced annually.
Guatamala
Correct your spelling
Guatemala
 recorded only 26,000
litres
Use synonyms
 of
milk
Use synonyms
 being
producing
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 these figures rose to 84,000
litres
Use synonyms
 by 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Australia
Use synonyms
 was the only country where a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 decline in
milk
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 was recorded. It recorded
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 highest
production
Use synonyms
 in 1990 when 11,246,000
litres
Use synonyms
 of
milk
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 being
producing
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, by 2010 these figures had fallen to 9,165,000
litres
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, production, australia, tanzania, litres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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