IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that new technologies have significantly changed the way
children
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 spend their free time.
While
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 some people believe that
this
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development
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 has negative effects, others argue that it brings valuable benefits. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend. On the one hand, there are many benefits associated with
children
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 using modern technology in their leisure time. One of the most apparent positive aspects is that digital tools provide access to educational content and opportunities for skill
development
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. To illustrate,
children
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 can learn languages, practise mathematics, or explore science through educational applications and online platforms.
For instance
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, interactive learning games and online tutorials can make studying more engaging, which may improve
children
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’s motivation and knowledge outside the classroom.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks related to
this
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development
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 that should not be overlooked. One negative aspect is that excessive screen time may reduce physical activity and face-to-face social interaction. To clarify,
children
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 who spend long hours playing video games or using social media may become less active and may struggle to develop communication skills in real-life situations.
For example
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, some parents report that their
children
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 prefer staying indoors with devices rather than participating in outdoor play or social activities, which may affect their health and emotional
development
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. To recapitulate, it is evident that the main merit of modern technology is its ability to provide learning opportunities and engaging educational experiences,
while
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 the principal downside is the risk of reduced physical activity and social interaction. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, provided that technology use is monitored and balanced with other activities that support healthy
development
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.

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task response
Make your view clear early in the essay and restate it in the conclusion.
task response
Add more depth to each point with more detail and stronger examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to move ideas smoothly and ensure clear connections between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and sentence accuracy to avoid small mistakes and keep language simple.
structure
Clear two sided view with a structure that follows intro–body–conclusion.
coherence
Good use of signpost phrases like on the one hand and on the other hand.
structure
Intro and conclusion present and connect to the task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Enhanced learning opportunities
  • Deepen their understanding
  • Confines of the classroom
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Reduced face-to-face interaction
  • Hinder social skills development
  • Excessive screen time
  • Physical well-being
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Internet safety
  • Critical thinking
What to do next:
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