IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 less
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves
due to
Linking Words
 long shift hours at
work
Use synonyms
. The lack of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 leads them to develop burnout and other mental health issues,
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and depression. I believe that
time
Use synonyms
 shortage is a reality
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the imbalance between our jobs and private lives
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 mostly our own fault
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we do not even realise it. Nowadays,
work
Use synonyms
 pressure and expectations are increasing. Since 2019, working from home
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a need that
now workers
Correct word order
workers now
show examples
 prefer to continue. As
this
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 makes
harder
Correct pronoun usage
it harder
show examples
 to separate your personal life from your
work
Use synonyms
 atmosphere because both are coexisting in the same space. A clear example is that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot take holidays without
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 completely disconnected, because
emails
Fix the agreement mistake
email
show examples
 notifications
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 going through their phones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if boundaries are not set, they will burn out because everyone needs to take
time
Use synonyms
 off to recharge. A common viewpoint
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that exhaustion
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 followed by anxiety and depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 get a
break
Punctuation problem
break,
show examples
 they do not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 enough energy to practice their hobbies
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at home with a feeling of guilt
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 not being productive. Which might develop anxiety and/or depression.
Moroless
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the lack of interaction with their social and private
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 supports the feeling of loneliness and not having enough
time
Use synonyms
 to do what they wish to. As a conclusion, working long hours
Punctuation problem
, specially
show examples
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 from home, could lead to several health issues that
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware of. I think that it is a certainty that young generations are dedicating more hours of their day to their
work
Use synonyms
 and not to cover their own needs.

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task
The essay answers the task but does not show a clear view on how fast the problem spreads. Add a short claim in the first or second paragraph that you see this as common and why.
task
Add one or two good ideas with short facts or examples. Use one example or fact to back each idea.
structure
Some sentences are long and hard to read. Break long sentences into two or three short forms.
grammar
Fix many grammar mistakes. Watch 'has/ have', 'email notifications', 'burnout', 'private life'. Use plain words.
coherence
Use linking words to move ideas. Use words like ‘also’, ‘but’, ‘therefore’, ‘for example’.
content
Some ideas do not stay with the prompt. Stay with the idea of time for life vs work and show how it makes people feel or act.
conclusion
Make the end clear. A short ending that restates your view is good.
idea
The essay makes a clear link between long work time and mental health.
tone
There is a view that balance is important and this is stated.
content
The piece uses examples like breaks and home work to explain ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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