IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 have less
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves
due to
Linking Words
 long
shift
Check wording
working
show examples
 hours at work. The lack of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 leads them to develop burnout and other mental health issues,
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and depression. I believe that
time
Use synonyms
 shortage is a reality
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the imbalance between our jobs and private lives is mostly our own fault, and we do not even realise it. Nowadays, work pressure and expectations are increasing. Since 2019, working from home has become a need that workers prefer to continue now. As
this
Linking Words
 has some benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 makes it harder to separate your personal life from your job atmosphere because both coexist in the same space. A clear example is that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot take holidays without being completely disconnected, because email notifications are still going through their phones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if boundaries are not set, they will burn out because everyone needs to take
time
Use synonyms
 off to recharge. A common viewpoint
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that exhaustion is followed by anxiety and depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 get a break, they do not have enough energy to practice their hobbies, leading to them staying at home with a feeling of guilt for not being productive.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 might develop anxiety and/or depression.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lack of interaction with their social and private lives supports the feeling of loneliness and not having enough
time
Use synonyms
 to do what they wish to.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, working long hours, especially from home, could lead to several health issues that
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware of. I think that it is a certainty that young generations are dedicating more hours of their day to their work and not to cover their own needs.

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content
Add more clear points in each paragraph and link them to the main idea.
structure
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph and connect ideas with simple link words.
language
Check grammar and use short, plain sentences for accuracy.
content
The topic is clear and the essay talks about time use and health.
structure
Three body parts stay on the idea of work time vs life.
language
Some good examples used, like emails and holidays.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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