IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people believe that the fittest and strongest individuals and team always succeed in sports .others think that success in sports depends on mental attitudes.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some might say that the fittest and strongest
competitors
Use synonyms
 and
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
 always succeed in
sports
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others might argue that success in
sports
Use synonyms
 depends on mental
attitudes
Use synonyms
 rather than physical
strength
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no doubt that physical
strength
Use synonyms
 gives you an advantage in
sports
Use synonyms
 competitions.
Competitors
Use synonyms
 who are the strongest in their league will always have an easier time completing
atheletic
Correct your spelling
athletic
 activities than those who sit below them in pure
strength
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Michael, who can lift 250 kilograms, will have an easier time training for a lifting competition than John, who can only lift 200 kilograms of weight.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
strength
Use synonyms
 gives you a great advantage in
sports
Use synonyms
 events. But
on the other hand
Linking Words
, mental
attitudes
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 very important in
sports
Use synonyms
.
Competitors
Use synonyms
 who are truly determined to get first place and
therefore
Linking Words
 train harder will have a better shot at winning than strong
competitors
Use synonyms
 who
isn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
aren't
show examples
 determined to win.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Michael is physically stronger than John, he will still have a hard time beating John, who is training extra hard to impress his girlfriend.
That is
Linking Words
 why mental
attitudes
Use synonyms
 are very important in
sports
Use synonyms
. Both of the arguments I mentioned are strong, but I personally lean
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the latter. Those who are the fittest and strongest won't always win, but those who are determined to win will always come out victorious. And for that reason, I
further
Linking Words
 agree with the second argument that
sports
Use synonyms
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on mental
attitudes
Use synonyms
.

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Task
Plan a short intro that states your view, then a clear idea in each paragraph, and finish with a clear ending.
Coherence
Use simple linking words like first, also, but, and, finally to help flow.
Content
Give more clear and real examples that match the idea and help explain your view.
Grammar
Check small grammar and spelling to avoid mistakes.
Content
Shows both sides of the issue.
Structure
Gives a clear final view.
Support
Uses simple examples to support points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive edge
  • determination
  • focus
  • resilience
  • cooperation
  • strategic planning
  • physically demanding
  • performance
  • technological advancements
  • facilities
  • expert guidance
  • attributes
  • endurance
  • teamwork
  • communication
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