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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that private secondary schooling is the superior choice for students, while others feel that they can have a negative effect on society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there has been a controversial topic about private secondary schooling.
While
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 some view it as an intensive way of building up skills and knowledge for
students
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 when they advance
further
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 in their studies, others regard it as a disadvantage to the social regime. In my opinion, I support the latter perspective.
This
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 essay will discuss the following topic and give relevant reasons to support the claim. First and foremost, private secondary schooling focuses on general study rather than
specialized
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specialised
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 learning, which means
students
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 can cover every subject all at once and concurrently develop social skills that are invaluable in life. Naturally, they will be able to foster and master what they need to prepare for colleges or universities.
For example
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,
such
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 a schooling system can still teach
students
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 to gain enough knowledge
in particular
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 subjects, but they do not have to take a gap year just to develop their real-life experience, as the
schools
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 have already provided training for
students
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.
However
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, it is not really a permanent solution to resolve and establish a good future for the masses.
Initially
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, private secondary schooling is exorbitant and out of reach for many ordinary families. Since it is dedicated to offering
students
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 the best environment to develop, the quality is much higher than that of public
schools
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, especially in education and healthcare;
moreover
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, these
schools
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 are set up by entrepreneurs or private investors
instead
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 of government funding, which adds to the
overall
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 cost considerably. Thereby, many poor families might not have enough finances to send their children to
such
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schools
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. In conclusion, private secondary
schools
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 for secondaries have both sides.
However
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, the price may be too
expensive
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high
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 to
afford
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afford,
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 given the expensive school fees
and
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, and
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 the few policies which support the growth of
such
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schools
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 make them less appealing to many.
As a result
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, it has more drawbacks and concerns
rather
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apply
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than benefits.

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task response
In task response, keep a clear view from start to end. State your main idea in the intro and keep it steady. Balance the view by giving both sides from the start and then give your own clear opinion in the conclusion.
coherence
In coherence, use clear topic sentences for each para. Use linking words to show order and make the essay easy to follow.
language
In language, use simple sentences. Check grammar and avoid long lines. Use common words and phrases that you know.
development
Add a few real examples to show the point. Examples should be specific and related to private schools and society.
structure
The essay has a clear overall plan with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
The writer shows a stance and tries to present both sides.
coherence
Some linking words are used to connect ideas.
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