IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some individuals argue that children should always heed the advice given by their parents, while others believe that children should make decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
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 some people believe that
children
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 should have the freedom to choose what they are interested in, others argue that, under all circumstances, they must follow their
parents
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’ opinions.
This
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 essay will discuss both views.
However
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, I believe that
children
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 can make appropriate
decisions
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 if they are properly guided by their
parents
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 without losing their independence. On the one hand, many
parents
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 think that making
decisions
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 on behalf of their
children
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 is a way of protecting them.
However
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,
this
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 approach can have an incredibly negative impact on their future, as they may fail to develop their own judgement.
For example
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, making even simple
decisions
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 might become challenging for them, leading to confusion and insecurity later in life.
This
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 can be seen when young adults struggle to choose a career path because they have always depended on others to decide for them.
Therefore
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, it is essential for
parents
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 to allow a certain degree of independence.
On the other hand
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, giving
children
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 complete freedom at a young age can be risky.
This
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 is because their level of maturity is not fully developed, which may lead to poor decision-making.
For instance
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, a child who sees a parent taking medication might imitate
this
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 behaviour without understanding the consequences.
As a result
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, a lack of guidance could expose
children
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 to potential harm.
Therefore
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, parental supervision remains crucial. In conclusion,
although
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 both perspectives have merit,
children
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 should be guided by their
parents
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while
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also
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 being encouraged to make their own
decisions
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 when appropriate.

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coherence
Make each paragraph have one clear idea and link it to your view.
content
Add more real, simple examples to back up points.
grammar
Check small word mistakes and keep very plain words for accuracy.
structural
Good, easy structure with intro, body and conclusion.
content
Balanced view and clear opinion.
coherence
Useful linking phrases like On the one hand and Therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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