IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Recently , doctors say that people do not get enough exercise. What are the causes of this trend? What ways can they be solved.

At the present
time
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,
people
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 are eager to enjoy spending
time
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 on other
activities
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not beneficial for health than
exercise
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.
The
Correct word order
One of the
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one
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 of reasons is
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 causes anxiety and reduces
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 to focus on
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
activity
Replace the word
activities, such
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that
Linking Words
is
Use the right word
as
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show why smartphone is a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 problem and will
also
Linking Words
 provide some solutions. At the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
,
this
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 era, smartphone is a
one
Use synonyms
 equipment that
people
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 can reach anything in the world,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 entertainment, communication,
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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, and
new
Use the right word
news
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.
This
Linking Words
 implies
people
Use synonyms
 can consume anything easily without
an
Verb problem
making an
show examples
 effort to obtain
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
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This
Linking Words
 convenience has reduced
people
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's potential to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 something which
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, TikTok is a platform
that
Correct word choice
where
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people
Use synonyms
 can consume any content and spend less
time
Use synonyms
 to finish watching. It can distract
people
Use synonyms
's attention
to
Change preposition
from
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exercise
Use synonyms
.
People
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 can spend
time
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 on TikTok for 2 or 3 hours before they are aware that they are wasting their
time
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. It can be seen that
people
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likely
Verb problem
are likely
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 to gain
happier
Replace the word
happiness
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 from
easy way
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 than an effort to gain something. Unlike
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 exercises
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 need to spend
long
Correct article usage
a long
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time
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. In terms of
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
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,
people
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 might start focusing on other
activities
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 to stay away from
smartphones
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.
For example
Linking Words
, they can spend
time
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 for 30 minutes per day
to
Wrong verb form
exercising
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exercise
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. After that, they can increase more
time
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 slightly from 30 to
one
Use synonyms
 hour every week.
This
Linking Words
 is a tool that can improve their potential to emphasise the other activity.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if
people
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 don't enjoy doing
activities
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 alone, they can do other
activities
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 which are require doing with others ,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 playing a physical board game, and playing a sports team.
This
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 suggestion can distract their attention from their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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focus on
people
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besides
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
smartphones
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is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
one
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 of the main causes of distracted
people
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 to
exercise
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
people
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 need to find another activity to
keep staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 away from
smartphones
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and show how ideas link to the main point.
task
Give a real plan in the essay: first state the cause, then the effect, then the fix, with steps.
development
Add more detail for each idea and give a clear result or plan of action.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar in places where words are not right.
vocabulary
Use simple and common words so the text is easy to read.
idea
The essay shows a clear idea that phone use can slow people from exercise.
structure
It has an intro and a conclusion.
content
The writer uses an example to show a point.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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