IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many parents think that it is a good idea to teach the children about money. Why do you think it is important to teach them about money? What is the best way to teach children about money?

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Introduction
Giving
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 education
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finance is significant teaching for young people, nowadays some adults have
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that teaching about
money
Use synonyms
 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
rute
Correct your spelling
route
 to take care
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of thier
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 and for
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
This
Linking Words
 writing will give some reasons to support
topic
Correct article usage
the topic
show examples
 and write about good options for learning about
money
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
One reason for
this
Linking Words
 topic is
Correct article usage
the realization
show examples
realization
Change the spelling
realisation
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
when
Punctuation problem
. When
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 have a lot of
money
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 usually do not know how to handle it and use more than
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 budget
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
beacause
Correct your spelling
Because
 of wrong
manigiment
Correct your spelling
management
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is easy to
get a temptation
Wrong verb form
be tempted
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 big
money
Use synonyms
 and go
to
Change preposition
down
show examples
dangerous
Correct article usage
a dangerous
show examples
way
Check wording
path
show examples
 to make huge
money
Use synonyms
. So teaching
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how to make a plan to
spand
Correct your spelling
spend their pocket
thier
Use synonyms
 porket
money
Use synonyms
 is very important.
Body paragraph 3
Forthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there are some great ways to help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manige
Correct your spelling
manage
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, parents have to show and tell
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 son and
dauther
Correct your spelling
daughter
 how dangerous
burrwing
Correct your spelling
borrowing
money
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 or other people. It can break a lot of
relaltionships
Correct your spelling
relationships
 and lose trust
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 education
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
burrwing
Correct your spelling
borrowing
 and landing
money
Use synonyms
 is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way.
Body paragraph 4
Secondly
Linking Words
, planning
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
month
Use the right word
one-month
show examples
 budget including all uses
such
Linking Words
 as snacks,
shpping
Correct your spelling
shopping
,
habbies
Correct your spelling
hobbies
, if
children
Use synonyms
 set up the lists, it is going to help
self-controll
Correct your spelling
self-control
 and reduce
compulsion
Correct article usage
the compulsion
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 purchase. It is
also
Linking Words
 great teaching to give household chores
throug
Correct your spelling
through
 that parents give more
porket
Correct your spelling
pocket
money
Use synonyms
, and
children
Use synonyms
 will learn precious of
money
Use synonyms
Conclusion
In conclusion, teaching about
money
Use synonyms
 is related
well-being
Change preposition
to well-being
show examples
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
and
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 life
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why it is very important
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
giving
Punctuation problem
, giving
show examples
 some
assiments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 to
children
Use synonyms
 can make
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 economic identity.

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planning
Be clear on the main idea in each part. State a plan at the start and end with a clear point.
language
Improve spelling and grammar, use simple, common words only.
organization
Keep one idea per paragraph. Use linking words like First, Then, Also, But to join ideas.
content
Give simple examples or facts to back up points. Use short sentences.
content
Has many ideas on money sense, such as budget and earning pocket money.
structure
Has an introduction and a short conclusion.
language
Uses order words like First and Secondly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • financial management
  • economic understanding
  • money-related concepts
  • allowance
  • debt avoidance
  • money appreciation
  • responsibility in finances
  • financial security
  • practical skills
  • interactive learning
  • real-life scenarios
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