IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today’s world is full of advertisement. Some people believe that Advertisement has a negative effect on lives of people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the prevailing era, multinational companies promote their
products
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 to
maximize
Change the spelling
maximise
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 their profits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is an argued issue whether advertisements are detrimental or beneficial to
people
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.
Although
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 advertisement makes
people
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 aware of new
products
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 and goods, I believe that
this
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 trend can place a financial burden on them.
To begin
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 with, there are a few advantages of advertisements to individuals. New
products
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 are launched in the market almost
everyday
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every day
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, and
people
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 may remain unaware about these innovations without promotion. It can
make
Verb problem
apply
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Use synonyms
people inform
Correct word order
inform people
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 about their benefits, costs, and availability of goods, enabling them to make a wise decision
while
Linking Words
 purchasing.
For example
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, promotional campaigns about health supplements can help individuals to discover more options, so they can improve their
well-beings
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well-being
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.
However
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,
people
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 sometimes purchase more items than they do not really require.
However
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, I believe that advertisement has several drawbacks that cannot be overlooked.
Advertisment
Correct your spelling
Advertisements
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
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people
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 to spend a large amount of money on commodities they do not truly need.
This
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 is because they use attractive visuals, celebrity endorsements,
persuasive
Correct word choice
and persuasive
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 language to convince consumers that buying their
products
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 can enhance their lifestyle and social status.
For example
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, youngsters usually replace perfectly functional smartphones because a new model is advertised as trendy and prestigious, even though their current device works perfectly. Over time,
such
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 spending habits can lead to financial strain and reduce personal savings.
To conclude
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, even though advertising can inform residents about
products
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 and goods that are available in the market, helping them to make choices, I believe that
this
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 is a pervasive trend that often encourages
people
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 to purchase items which they do not actually need.

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content
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it steady to the end.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words, and use words like and, but, also, however to show flow.
grammar
Check small grammar points: every day, well-being, advertising and spelling such as advertisment.
structure
Give one good example for each idea and make the link to the idea clear.
structure
End with a short plan or firm view to end the essay well.
content
The essay makes a clear view and uses a common form.
structure
Body shows two sides with examples to back up ideas.
coherence
Link words are used and flow is good.
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