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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below illustrate some changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 of New York City from 1800 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of the city had significantly increased.
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 was reducing in the percentage of total
population
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
districks
Correct your spelling
districts
 grew throughout the period. In 1800,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New York's
population
Use synonyms
alomst
Correct your spelling
almost
 reached 80,000
people
Use synonyms
, 80% of them
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lived in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
 and the rest 20%
located
Verb problem
lived
show examples
 in Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island. After
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 century, the
population
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 increased for 7 times:
3,437,202
Change preposition
to 3,437,202
show examples
. Just above of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the
people
Use synonyms
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
Manhattan
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 half chose to live in other districts. In 2000, New York City contained around 8 million
people
Use synonyms
. Only one
million
Correct word order
apply
show examples
and a half
Use synonyms
people
Correct word order
million people
show examples
 stayed in
Manhattan
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others moved to districts like Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island and Queens. To compare them, in 2000, 81% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in districts,
while
Linking Words
Manhattan
Use synonyms
contains
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 only 19%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, manhattan, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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