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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think high school students should volunteer to benefit the community. Do you agree or disagree?

A few individuals believe that learners in higher secondary schools must perform unpaid
work
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 for the welfare of society. I agree with
this
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 statement as
such
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 a charitable job would foster empathy and help one become accustomed to the skills required to excel in a professional world. One reason teenagers should volunteer is that it would foster a sense of empathy.
This
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 type of
work
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 would give youth an opportunity to understand the needs of society's members and serve them better.
Moreover
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, their actions would motivate other fellow
students
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 to
work
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 towards the betterment of society by arranging food and shelter for the less privileged.
For example
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, an initiative by Coventry college
students
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 brought about a massive change, providing shelter to about 200 homeless people to save them from the polar vortex. By adopting
this
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 approach, they were not only able to extend a helping hand
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 added to their credibility as productive members of the community. Another key factor is that
such
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 acts of philanthropy tend to prepare
students
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 for professional life.As the workplace is fraught with challenges, frequent volunteering helps mitigate stress levels once a student steps into a particular field. Whether it is time management, multitasking or communication skills, prior
work
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 experience guides the learners to better evaluate, strategise and implement practical solutions to problems.
For example
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, a recent survey conducted in Japan showed that
students
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 who did community service before taking up salaried jobs excelled more than those who didn’t engage in
such
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 activities. The result was that
such
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 companies achieved many profitable outcomes by the end of the year, owing to the efforts of people who strengthened their capabilities through civic engagements.
To conclude
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,
although
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 volunteer positions might be time-consuming. I believe the potential benefits of a gratuitous act,
such
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 as developing empathy and preparing for the real-world workplace challenges, outweigh the drawbacks. Ultimately, a strong youth serves as a foundation for a prosperous life and a future

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grammar
Finish with a full sentence in the last part. Do not end on a broken line.
structure
Use shorter, clear lines. Some long ideas should be split into two parts.
vocabulary
Keep to simple words. Some big words may not fit the task.
content
Add one or two more very simple examples that tie to your main point.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like 'also', 'in addition', 'for example' to help flow.
content
The writer shows a clear view and gives reasons to support it.
coherence
There are many good linking words that show how ideas fit together.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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