IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Smartphones are trending gadgets in the digital world. People
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages are using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in daily life. Mostly there are
children
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 most of the time on their
phones
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 trend as
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 development because it impacts
on
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apply
show examples
physical
health
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eyesight. The major reason to see
this
Linking Words
 as a negative development is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
 it is affecting
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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health
Use synonyms
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.When
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time on
phones
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siting
Use the right word
sitting
show examples
 at one place
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 there is no
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
physical activity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to effects the physical
health
Use synonyms
 as no muscle movement is happening.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Pakistan
Punctuation problem
Pakistan,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 mostly play
roblox
Fix capitalization
Roblox
show examples
 and
pubg
Use the right word
PUBG
show examples
 with their friends online
instead
Linking Words
 of playing cricket, football and going gym
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
impact
Use synonyms
 physical
health
Use synonyms
 and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to many
health
Use synonyms
 problems in
adult
Replace the word
adulthood
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. Another common
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 of using
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 for many hours can lead to damage the
eye sight
Use the right word
eyesight
show examples
 as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the most important sense of living things. The
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
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 from the mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 can have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can have difficulty
while
Linking Words
 reading books and writing
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the board in school.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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weaken
Wrong verb form
weakened
show examples
 eyesight
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in wearing glasses from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may look bad for
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, you see in Pakistan every
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
 from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 wears glasses
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the reason for
that is
Linking Words
 using
phones
Use synonyms
 for many hours because of which they are not able to see from the board in school when
siting
Use the right word
sitting
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the back
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
impact
Use synonyms
 their studies. In conclusion, there are many negative
Use synonyms
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 of using
phones
Use synonyms
 from
such
Linking Words
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the most important are the ones that I have discussed above in
this
Linking Words
 essay that
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be addressed to save physical
health
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the eyesight of the
children
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Plan your essay. Say your view in the opening line. Then give two or three reasons. End with a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph hold one idea. Start with a clear topic sentence. Use simple linking words to connect ideas.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Use short, clear sentences. Watch words like 'siting' and 'affect' and 'see'.
content
The essay shows a clear view that the trend is negative.
examples
There are some details from real life (Pakistan) to back points.
organization
Overall structure of intro, body, and conclusion is there.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital devices
  • smartphone addiction
  • online interactions
  • developmental impact
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • academic performance
  • parental supervision
  • proliferation of apps
  • engaging content
  • excessive use
  • sedentary lifestyle
What to do next:
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